But she walked off for no damn reason and left me with nothing. I saw that she had taken pictures this year at their little thanksgiving shit and put them on her myspace, and of course I went straight there and saw her smiling face. Having fun without me. Looking at the old pics too, of me, her, and her niece who has become one of my best friends.

Why do I keep focusing on this shit? Why won't I allow myself to think about something else? Maybe there's nothing else going on in my life. Maybe I have no god damn life anymore. But still... focusing on anything should be more desirable than this, even if it's just some dumbass videos on YouTube.

I don't understand why I keep putting myself through this pain. I should put her and all this shit behind me where it belongs.

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tock is my lover

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because you still have strong feelings for her when you really shouldnt

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That does pose a problem. I don't know what to do. I don't want to have feelings for her anymore... but I can't stop it.

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tock is my lover