Don't read it if you don't want too -- LiveWire Teen Forums

Its your fault this happend to me. This, thing, I never wanted it but I needed it. It is your fault. Oh God I finally get it, it is his fault isn't it? All this time, this useless wasted time, fuck just look at my legs and shoulder. So many scars... they didn't need to be there. They shouldn't be there. Fuck look at the time, how long ago was it? Almost two whole fucking years wasted... because of you. Because of every fucking thing you said and every fucking heart break you left me, YOU its YOUR fault I am like this!

I was happy, sure I was a little sad, but who isn't? But I never cut myself, I never told myself that all of this was never going to leave. But you hurt me so bad I needed something. You crushed my pride, my self esteem, God I haven't seen you in over a year and I still think about you all the time. Why? It wasn't that special... but who can say they were married at 15? Or 16? No... it was 16 wasn't it? I was so young, I didn't know anything and it really messed up my life. I lost my friends, my family life has become horrid and my father is always on my ass. They don't trust me I know it, it brakes my heart when my mother has to see those scars everytime I go with her to the doctors, I never wanted to hurt her but I did. But if I never met you none of this would of happened!

I always give you credit when I tell people how I came out of the closet, what a lie! Even if I didn't know you I still would of came out, because you did not change my sexuality, it was always like this, you didn't help me realize it I always knew. I just needed help accepting it. And you sucked at that. With your "I love you"'s and wanting to move in together, fuck I was insane! Why would I move in with you? We are both so young, and we were planning to really mess up our lives and for what? For nothing. I was happy, I was secure, I felt worthy and loved. I didn't need other's approval until you came. You fucking bastard, I hate you so much!

You try so hard to make me come out, and then you turn around and claim to be straight?!?!? What the Fuck you COWARD! You liar, HYPOCRITE! You are so insecure you know that? Always telling me how you wish your were straight it would be so easier and blah blah blah. Give me a fucking break man! The minute I kissed you, that INSTANT I threw away that entire wall for you. Not for me, which should have been why I would tell the truth finally. I was able to live the straight life, I could lie for the rest of my life, but I did not, why? Because I am what I am. And don't you lecture me on that when you can't even look at me and say you are gay. FAGGOT! Get over it you piece of shit!

You really messed up my life. And it has come to a point where I am struggling to get by without crying everyday, without cutting, without all these horrid thoughts in my head. It is so hard to not cut you have no idea. I have to stop myself on a daily basis. Everytime I see a sharp corner or a pencil and pen and scizzors and anything that is like that, do you know what that feels like? I am ADDICTED. I have no escape from it! I have been doing so good so please just drop dead and go to hell! FUCKING BASTARD CUNT!

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