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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

guess what my poem
Replies: 10Last Post June 29 7:52pm by well well well
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( well well well )


Professional
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It's dark, it's cold.
This scene's so old.
My sin is burned
into my skin.

Convince me that there's a way out.
Find me a light - an underground.

When he breaks down my door,
feel the seconds pass.
When denim hits the floor,
and he shatters my glass.
When I'm torn at the seams,
and can't hear anything
but the sound of my screams,
will that make you believe
me?

It's raining out.
The sun can't watch.
I'm passing out.
And then, I'm gone.

I cannot breathe. There's no way out.
Take me, away, to underground.


7:45 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 149
Join to learn more about well well well New York, United States | Female | Posts: 1,169 | Points: 2,697
LiveWire Humor
( well well well )


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i mean to make the title *guess what the poem is about* lawl.

fuckmylife i failed extra hard


7:46 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 149
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jham915


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That's pretty good.

-------
trying to open closed doors

7:46 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: June 2009 | Days Active: 76
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in ur dreams


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is that about you loosing your virginity?

7:46 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: Sep. 2007 | Days Active: 94
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deuces13


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its cool

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When I was a child, I spoke, understood, and thought like a child;
But when I became a man, I put childish things away.

7:46 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: June 2009 | Days Active: 31
Join to learn more about deuces13 Georgia, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 1,510 | Points: 1,838
( well well well )


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Quote: from in ur dreams at 7:46 pm on June 29, 2009

is that about you loosing your virginity?


verrryyyy close.
think more violent.
and it isn't about my own personal experience


7:47 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 149
Join to learn more about well well well New York, United States | Female | Posts: 1,169 | Points: 2,697
The Mixed Tape


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I actually like this poem. My only issue is the third stanza's ending. I think it would serve a lot better if you chopped off the me? and just left it as believe? I generally like this. :D

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We fly balloons on this fuel called love.

7:48 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: July 2007 | Days Active: 471
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Quote: from The Academy at 7:48 pm on June 29, 2009

I actually like this poem. My only issue is the third stanza's ending. I think it would serve a lot better if you chopped off the me? and just left it as believe? I generally like this. :D

hey. thanks =)

yeah that's a good suggestion.
i didn't really edit it much cause i just wrote it on the spot but i should really fix that =)


7:49 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 149
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JustSCREAM


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is it about rape?

7:49 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: May 2009 | Days Active: 37
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xIsabellex


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It's good

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When I walk in the snow I want to leave no footprints

7:49 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: June 2009 | Days Active: 27
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Quote: from JustSCREAM at 7:49 pm on June 29, 2009

is it about rape?

bingo - i had a friend who was just raped,
and killed. =(


7:52 pm on June 29, 2009 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 149
Join to learn more about well well well New York, United States | Female | Posts: 1,169 | Points: 2,697
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