I don't know what to do anymore -- LiveWire College Forums

I feel like my whole world has fallen apart. Just last summer I was pretty happy and pretty thin just running around not really caring about anything and having the time of my life going camping and going to lake on various different peoples boats. Drinking like a maniac almost every night and doing some stupid things. I did have the time of my life. Now I can't even go out into public without feeling disgusting. I definitely gained the freshman 15... but not just that more like the freshman 40. At first I thought it was just my eating habits and because I haven't been as active in sports and such, but it has to be more than that. How could I gain so much weight so fast? I have always been a healthy eater and I never stopped that and I still got regular exercise every day walking the massive hills to class and back. I smoked just as much or maybe less, definitely drank less but partied just as hard as all of my college friends, but at the end of the year their clothes still managed to fit. I had pretty much stopped eating regularly and was down to one meal per day. It didn't help anything I still gained weight. I got my blood tested for diabetes and a thyroid disorder and they all came up negative. I don't understand why this is happening to me. What did I do wrong? I feel so alone and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it that won't judge or that can understand. I feel sick everyday with this constant pressure in my stomach that won't leave. I don't remember the last time I was hungry. I eat once in a while when I think I should. I haven't had a menstrual cycle since like february or something maybe even longer because I don't remember. I have no drive to do anything but sleep. I try not to feel sorry for myself and I go on these health kicks and try to exercise like crazy but nothing makes a difference. My pants that were very big on me last year I can't even put on. Actually they fit me last semester.. but a little tight so I started to diet.. and now its just 10 times worse. And I thought I was fat last summer.... well look at me now.. too embarrassed to even ride my bike to the post office. I'm that girl. The one that got fat and gross when she went away to college. I went back to the doctor since then... and they are testing my blood again for the thyroid disorder. It can't be healthy to not have a period.. They keep just thinking i might be pregnant. I tested myself just to be sure and of course my mom found the box under my bed when she was going through my shit and freaked out. Well anyway I'm not pregnant. I just feel like shit every day. Lately have been having these strange dreams.. dreams where I have no hair. I'm completely bald. I know I am sort of a hypochondriac now but I seriously think something is wrong and I wish I knew what to do. I wish the doctors knew too. The internet.. I don't know if it helps at all. I searched my symptoms and the only thing that matched was ovarian cancer. Cancer!? sweet... I guess then I could get chemo and that would explain me being bald. It's not like I haven't dreamt the future before. I have so it freaks me out even more. I remember a time I had a really stupid dream that made absolutely no sense. I was just sitting across from some people I don't often talk to and laughing. A year later that exact situation happened. I was with those people every day in my art class and laughing. Can I really see the future before it happens? I don't know.. but I do know that I'm in a lot of pain and I just want it to stop. I go back to the doctor on tuesday. I doubt they find anything wrong with my thyroid. I'll be there a few minutes and they will tell me they couldn't find anything wrong and then I'll have to wait a week for another appointment and sit here crying just waiting it out. I'm supposed to move into my apartment on July 1st and start working full time. I want to go forward with my life but it is certainly difficult with all of these obstacles in the way. Why is this happening to me? I just want things to go back to the way they were but I don't know how to do it. Someone, God, Anyone help me please. I don't think I can take it anymore. I just want it all to end.

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