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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Teen Dating & Relationships / Viewing Topic

I don't 'get' people.
Replies: 13Last Post July 5 9:37pm by Stormblazer
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( DeForest )

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I just don't get how they can stay with verbally/physically abusive people, or just.. shitty people. I also don't get how they can devote their entire being to said person, to the point of "being unable to live!!!" without them.

I just don't get it. Is there something I'm missing, or are these people as dependant and clingy as I think they are?

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7:38 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: July 2009 | Days Active: 50
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Descartes


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Its not that simple! I cant just leave! My cds are in his truck!

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7:38 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 222
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SpRiNgS


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it's a mentality thing from what i've noticed. that person has them wrapped around their fingers to the point where they cant or wont live without that person. Sometimes the people stay cause they thin the abuser will go back to who they WERE

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pressure becomes real only the moment we acknowledge that it can affect us

7:39 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: July 2005 | Days Active: 1,339
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Leannbby


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there is more to it im sure

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7:39 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 68
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Brinkmannjg


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They "fall in love"

But yeah, dont ask me why.

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7:39 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Jan. 2006 | Days Active: 355
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Mods1Blow2Me3Daily

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Quote: from Descartes at 7:38 pm on July 5, 2009

Its not that simple! I cant just leave! My cds are in his truck!

way to kill a funny dane cook reference

Post edited at 7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 by Mods1Blow2Me3Daily

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Miami0429


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Quote: from Descartes at 10:38 pm on July 5, 2009

Its not that simple! I cant just leave! My cds are in his truck!

lol


7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: May 2009 | Days Active: 112
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Areola


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Those people are idiots, and so dependant that they can't be alone. It's pathetic.

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7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Mar. 2009 | Days Active: 273
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Descartes


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Quote: from Mods1Blow2Me3Daily at 7:40 pm on July 5, 2009

Quote: from Descartes at 7:38 pm on July 5, 2009

Its not that simple! I cant just leave! My cds are in his truck!

waqy to kill a funny dane cook reference



Oh, excuse me for not being obsessed enough to have it memorized line for line  

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Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.
The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off
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7:40 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 222
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( DeForest )

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Quote: from SpRiNgS at 7:39 pm on July 5, 2009

it's a mentality thing from what i've noticed. that person has them wrapped around their fingers to the point where they cant or wont live without that person. Sometimes the people stay cause they thin the abuser will go back to who they WERE

I've noticed it, too, and I'm just dumbfounded. Even with GOOD relationships without any kind of abuse, people seem so goddamned clingy and dependant that it drives me nuts. They act as if they can't possibly do a thing without so-and-so by their side every second of every day.

-------
Place your body here,
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7:41 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: July 2009 | Days Active: 50
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SpRiNgS


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Quote: from DeForest at 7:41 pm on July 5, 2009

Quote: from SpRiNgS at 7:39 pm on July 5, 2009

it's a mentality thing from what i've noticed. that person has them wrapped around their fingers to the point where they cant or wont live without that person. Sometimes the people stay cause they thin the abuser will go back to who they WERE

I've noticed it, too, and I'm just dumbfounded. Even with GOOD relationships without any kind of abuse, people seem so goddamned clingy and dependant that it drives me nuts. They act as if they can't possibly do a thing without so-and-so by their side every second of every day.


Love is a trippy thing

it can throw your emotions out of wack

some people are just generally clingy too

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7:42 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: July 2005 | Days Active: 1,339
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tj sprinkles


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ya lost me sorry

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7:43 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Mar. 2009 | Days Active: 22
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tell me again


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It's complicated, you're missing something, people who are very involved with each other (and this unfortunately includes abusive relationships) have their identities or sense of self intertwined. They can put up with a lot of bad treatment and feeling bad, but the prospect of breaking up would hurt a lot more because it would seem like a part of them died. In extreme cases (and obviously in abusive cases) it's not healthy. But it's real and i think it's something that's hard to imagine for you.

But it's perfectly possible to have a relationship without being dependent at all and turn out fine. On the other end of the spectrum there are couples who hardly see each other or touch each other, and i don't "get" that, but it works for them.

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8:03 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: June 2006 | Days Active: 814
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Stormblazer


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Quote: from tell me again at 9:03 pm on July 5, 2009

It's complicated, you're missing something, people who are very involved with each other (and this unfortunately includes abusive relationships) have their identities or sense of self intertwined. They can put up with a lot of bad treatment and feeling bad, but the prospect of breaking up would hurt a lot more because it would seem like a part of them died. In extreme cases (and obviously in abusive cases) it's not healthy. But it's real and i think it's something that's hard to imagine for you.  

But it's perfectly possible to have a relationship without being dependent at all and turn out fine. On the other end of the spectrum there are couples who hardly see each other or touch each other, and i don't "get" that, but it works for them.


I don't think it's healthy period if your sense of self is intertwined with the relationship itself. You can have an extremely close relationship without doing that. Once you do that, you're inviting problems like abuse and dependency to the point of clinginess.

And in shorter-term relationships it causes serial monogamy, which as I've said before I emphatically reject as anything but a perversion of what a relationship is at all.

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9:37 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: April 2005 | Days Active: 446
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