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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

is this poem/writing better
Replies: 4 — Last Post July 5 6:48pm by xxemoxdemonxx
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( Leannbby )


Executive
Ad Free 		Reply
than the last haha, i dont know if i have posted it before but oh well. this one doesn't rhyme

As you hold me close we both begin to fall, fall into into the depths of which i have never touched, felt, or knew existed. Where is this coming from, why is it here? Then you rip the pulmonary veins that were kept so safe, we both begin to collapse into another unknown, the unknown and unwanted.

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What happens when the only person that can make you stop crying
Is the one who made you cry.

6:44 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 68
Join to learn more about Leannbby North Carolina, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 1,309 | Points: 3,282
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Areola


Vices Like Vipers.
Sustainer
Support Leader 		Reply
I don't like this one.
Other was better, and seemed more thought out.

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She gave me a pen.
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6:46 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Mar. 2009 | Days Active: 245
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ehmusic


Visionary
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This is very odd for a prose piece.  It sort of goes to shit at the end, but I sort of like it for some reason.  It definitely has potential.

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lol Что?
6:46 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Sep. 2007 | Days Active: 370
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LiveForeverDieTonite


Wealthy Hobo 		Reply
It's interesting

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6:47 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Feb. 2009 | Days Active: 145
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xxemoxdemonxx


Quality Control Engineer 		Reply
i like it (:

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♥music is a secret get-away car
to take me away from all my problems.♥
6:48 pm on July 5, 2009 | Joined: Mar. 2009 | Days Active: 54
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