I am hard of hearing... I wear two BTE digital hearing aids and have been since I was five years old. I am almost twenty now.
My whole life I was taught not to let my hearing loss affect anything I wanted to be in life... and that's how I lived my life. I was never taught to sign but instead taught to lip read. I am grateful I was taught to lip read but I also wish I was taught sign language. Being hard of hearing has never really bothered me until now. For whatever reason, I wish I had the chance to grow up with people who understood the challenges that come along with being h.o.h/deaf. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes and frustrated with the way people treat me when they see my hearing aids... and I can't help but get angry and upset.
I wish I knew sign language, I wish I understood those who grew up fully submerged in the h.o.h./deaf culture, but I will never fully understand Deaf culture because I grew up in a hearing world.
Growing up, I learned to deal with my frustration and anger and hold it inside. I don't think my parents ever really understood how hard it was for me sometimes to be in a classroom where I was always a little... 'different,' from the other kids. I don't think they understood how much I hated being around people at times or why I was so reserved.
Right now, I just wish I understood the h.o.h of myself more. When I was younger and I saw another kid with hearing aids, I got so excited and felt like I could connect with someone who could share my frustrations. It is the same with me today whenever I see someone with hearing aids... I feel like I am not so alone.
I feel like I keep repeating myself... I guess I am just hoping to find myself and I'm wondering if anyone shares the same frustrations I have.
-------
Beatha, Gáire, Grá