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  LiveWire / College Forums / The College Freshman / Viewing Topic

In less than 500 words...
Replies: 11 — Last Post June 26 11:32pm by BritchesAndHose
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( TechnoShark )


Guru
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I had to write what I would do with my college education.


This is what I wrote:

"With the education I receive from college I hope to find a career I truly enjoy and a career that will keep me financially stable. I want to pursue some sort of artistic profession so that I can inspire others to use their creativity and teach them that art is a quintessential part of our world and culture. Art binds us together as human beings, enabling us to connect, communicate and have compassion for one another. Art, in whatever form, is as beautiful as the world in which we live."


What do you think?
I've already submitted it.

Post edited at 2:02 pm on June 26, 2009 by TechnoShark

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Previously known as: IndieGo

TechnoShark

1:56 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: June 2007 | Days Active: 583
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Chasey


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awesome

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1:56 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 311
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Ska Ninja

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I think it's awesome

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1:56 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: Nov. 2008 | Days Active: 240
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BrittBee

Wealthy Hobo
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slightly similar to part of my essay that I had to write for art school, but better. Great job!

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1:57 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: May 2009 | Days Active: 59
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ElephantStone


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Anyone would think you're handicapped because of the placing of those commas.

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1:58 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: Aug. 2007 | Days Active: 567
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Suicidebooth


Swami
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Wow that is good. I think i am going to go in to photography

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1:58 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 364
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( TechnoShark )


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Quote: from ElephantStone at 1:58 pm on June 26, 2009
Anyone would think you're handicapped because of the placing of those commas.

Yeah.
When I speak, I pause at odd spots and so that's where I place commas when I write.....


Oh well.

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Previously known as: IndieGo

TechnoShark

2:00 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: June 2007 | Days Active: 583
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JTHM


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It's good, but the misplacement of commas and the spelling error in the first line distract from the point. :/

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2:02 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: April 2007 | Days Active: 532
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( TechnoShark )


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Quote: from JTHM at 2:02 pm on June 26, 2009
It's good, but the misplacement of commas and the spelling error in the first line distract from the point. :/

Edited.

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Previously known as: IndieGo

TechnoShark

2:02 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: June 2007 | Days Active: 583
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ElephantStone


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The sentences are too long, so long in fact that you are desperately trying to understand what the point of the sentence is.

Its all right now and will suffice.

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Punctured bicycle on a hillside, desolate,
Could nature make a man of me yet?

2:05 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: Aug. 2007 | Days Active: 567
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in sane x


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It's good. i just think you should maybe have a closing sentence reinforcing your point of a career for the future

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2:10 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: June 2007 | Days Active: 479
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BritchesAndHose


Quality Control Engineer 		Reply
that's so sweet
11:32 pm on June 26, 2009 | Joined: June 2009 | Days Active: 44
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