How could you even think of doing something so dreadful?! And besides, what do you think mutilating yourself will do? No one will be proud of you. They would think that you were some kind of monster. It would also leave a scar that would never fade. Everytime you looked at it you would remember the moment when you thought that the only way out was to cause yourself pain. By doing so, you're only hurting those that would give their lives for you.
You know, they say God doesn't look kindly on those who harm themselves on purpose or commit suicide. I hope your Catholic, because then you might work harder to get into Heaven (hopefully when you do, you are much older, and WAY smarter).