Thanks for letting it all out. I really appreciate your bravery for letting down your defenses and letting people know more about you. There's nothing wrong with letting it out, and I'd suggest you let it out more often. Cry if you have to. The truth is that letting it out will definitely help you deal with depression. You seem to have the general concept about suicide, so I'm not going to try and convince you to not commit suicide because you already know the consequences.
The truth is that I don't think you really can commit suicide because deep within, you really don't want to. The only thing that is holding you back is your chemical imbalance in the brain that's telling you to commit suicide. And I implore you to not listen to that part of your brain. I know that it hurts, and I know that you feel like doing, but why don't you go lift weights or something? If you keep your mind occupied, you won't think about depressing things as much.
I promise you that's there's a way out. There's always a way out, BUT you have to walk in the right direction. You gotta start focusing on the more positive things in life even if you're depressed, otherwise you'll still be in the middle of a dark tunnel. You see the way out, you just don't know how to get there. It's all about patience, and walking with your head held high. Eventually, you will get there and you'll be so much more happier than you were. If you put forth an effort to be more positive, I guarantee you that you'll get there.
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"I can assure you no one's playing around." - Niick