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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

Giv me yur opinion on my poem
Replies: 5Last Post Oct. 9 1:37pm by buttercup1246
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( buttercup1246 )


Quality Control Engineer
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Created happiness but later horrible demons.
Hope occurs once while pain has plenty of faces.
Peace is reached,sorrow is conquered.
Fear never leaves, just hides momentarly.
Dreams into old memeries, old memeries into nightmares.
Drenched in questions, confessions, and friendly advice.
Mean words form under the tongue.
Emotions disinergrate, heart repairs, love no more.
Stolen moments withe shocked expressions.


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Can you ever like me enough to love me?

1:32 pm on Oct. 9, 2009 | Joined: Oct. 2009 | Days Active: 70
Join to learn more about buttercup1246 South Carolina, United States | Bi-curious Female | Posts: 171 | Points: 901
LiveWire Humor
crazycat


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its okay

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im not gay but ill learn

1:33 pm on Oct. 9, 2009 | Joined: Feb. 2009 | Days Active: 243
Join to learn more about crazycat Ireland | Lesbian Female | Posts: 2,239 | Points: 5,539
Chocolate Thunda


Swami

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This should be our new slogan.

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Like a runaway

1:33 pm on Oct. 9, 2009 | Joined: July 2007 | Days Active: 435
Join to learn more about Chocolate Thunda Iowa, United States | Questioning | Posts: 23,991 | Points: 25,278
RawrReepicheep


Love is suicide.

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I don't really get it...

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We're all damaged somehow.

1:34 pm on Oct. 9, 2009 | Joined: Dec. 2008 | Days Active: 223
Join to learn more about RawrReepicheep North Carolina, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 11,080 | Points: 33,457
The Mixed Tape



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Support Leader
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Memories *

Disintegrated *

Try using the spell check button next time, overall it's pretty decent. It jumps from one thought to the next too much, too often, in my opinion. It should like ease into it, rather than going thought a, thought b, thought c, etc. Try using transitions next time.

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Curl Up and Die
------Its No Secret
-----------Boats and Birds
---------------What Sarah Said


1:34 pm on Oct. 9, 2009 | Joined: July 2007 | Days Active: 464
Join to learn more about The Mixed Tape Maryland, United States | Gay Male | Posts: 26,500 | Points: 35,313
( buttercup1246 )


Quality Control Engineer
Reply
thnk yu for that wonderful imformation
i was jux writing wat i felt

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Can you ever like me enough to love me?

1:37 pm on Oct. 9, 2009 | Joined: Oct. 2009 | Days Active: 70
Join to learn more about buttercup1246 South Carolina, United States | Bi-curious Female | Posts: 171 | Points: 901
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