It doesn't matter that you're gone
That the wind keeps blowing,
And the weeds keep growing
In patches on your lawn.

Edward was in the garden that day,
Picking, and pottering, and planting away
While his shadow followed him quietly

It doesn't matter that you were frail
That your hair was thin and grey,
And that your cane got in the way
Leaving a distant yet distinctive trail.

Edward was in the garden that day,
Scattering and spraying and squirting away
While the sun smiled down at him wearily

It doesn't matter that you forgot things
That your memory was jumbled
And that you sometimes fumbled
When putting on your wedding rings.

Edward was in the garden that day,
Trimming, and tottering and tubing away
While the wind tugged at him playfully

It doesn't matter that you couldn't see well
That you wore your glasses on the tip of your nose
And that you often began to doze
Napping for short, dreamy spells.

Edward was in the garden that day,
Walking, and watering and wondering away
While death began to whisper to him softly

It does matter that you're gone
That you were the only grandfather I had
And that your death makes me so often sad
As I slowly and steadily continue to mourn.

Edward was in the garden that day,
Laughing and, living, and loving away
While death swept him up forcefully

And it took him away...

Post edited at 1:25 pm on Oct. 17, 2009 by feeltheshane

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You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

This is.. very fucking good.

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It doesn't mean that much to me,
Sometimes I don't mean that much to you
And I don't even know what I'm hiding for...
And I don't even know what I'm crying for...

I don't like the last but one stanza, the one starting, 'It does matter...' because it feels too obvious, a tad cliche. I can see how it fits into the structure of the whole poem, though. You enlist the stuff that doesn't matter and then there's this contradiction. In this sense, the last but one stanza is an important part of the whole poem.

Concluding my feedback, let me say that I like the ending. There's something else beneath the words of your poem - it does carry more than the meaning alone. Good job.

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The structure is actually very decent. I like how you put half the poem in italics while the other is bare (if only because it looks pretty, other distinctions between the two halves aside). The repetition of the first line in the italic stanzas is nice, it builds up rhythm, plus I'm generally fond of repetitions in poems, so that's a definite thumbs up. Well, the second and the third lines of respective stanzas bear resemblance, too, which is neat. It shows you've spent some time thinking on how the poem is supposed to look like. Commendable.

I don't like the last but one stanza, the one starting, 'It does matter...' because it feels too obvious, a tad cliche. I can see how it fits into the structure of the whole poem, though. You enlist the stuff that doesn't matter and then there's this contradiction. In this sense, the last but one stanza is an important part of the whole poem.

Concluding my feedback, let me say that I like the ending. There's something else beneath the words of your poem - it does carry more than the meaning alone. Good job.

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Thanks for your feedback. It's very constructive and useful, which always helps as it means I can better what I've written. Thanks for taking the time to read and critique. You make some good points which I will definitely take into consideration when editing/revising next.  

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You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.