All of the sudden, for some reason, it's become extremely difficult to deal with my parents' separation. They separated a little over a year ago, and I guess it's just hitting me now. I feel so guilty, even while logically I understand that I am most likely not at fault. I don't want this to happen. I don't like being split up during the weekends, shipped like an object from house to house.

I just don't understand what happened. I know that it's selfish and childish to say that I want them to stay together, but I do. It really upsets me to see this awkwardness.

They told us that it was temporary, at first. They said that my dad was going to move out for a month. The next time I asked, they told me that he would be living there for six months. And then they said that they didn't know when it was going to end. And now, it's permanent. I'm so confused. I know it's none of my business, and I know that they must be happier separated, but why string my siblings and me along?

Something just clicked several minutes ago, and now I can't stop crying. I don't exactly have anyone to go to right now. I don't know what to do or say or anything. Now I'm wanting to slice away at myself because I have no better coping strategy that I can think of. I'm shaking... This is just too much right now. I really needed to get something out. I don't think it's enough, but the cutting is a last resort.

Except there are ways of helping yourself lose some of this awful feeling of being left, and this writing out a list of the things you miss when your parents were together. Write down all the things you loved about your dad and your mum, and also, in another columns, all those things you disliked about their individual ways.

And this is where a journal comes in so good. In it, you can write the things you said and did that you maybe regretted. Writing helps enormously these guilt things; even simple poetry.

Do you have a close friend in whom you can trust to give you support and understanding? I realise self-injuring is a private thing, so you'll most likely keep that from them. But a special friend will give you help and tenderness during your down times, and to you they would be special, because they wouldn't want anything in return.

Now you have been abandoned, it's completely normal to feel sad, depressed, etc. What is problematic, however, is when we get stuck in those places and feel wronged, often for a long time. But somehow, you have to kick back from the sadness of your parents separating to let them find their own path, while you concentrate on trying to rebuild up your trust for them, as they set out to experience being single again.

I don't know much about self-injuring, other than cutting or whatever, apparently helps release inside all that built-up tension. So the only advice I can offer here is you please keep your wounds clean, and every day until they heal, apply a dressing.

Seeing a counsellor would really help. Is it possible your doctor could refer you to someone they know is excellent? For myself I had a very good counsellor who helped me over mummy's death, so there is definitely help for you with one of these specialists.


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If you believe in yourself good things,
then go do it.