Although I haven't been bad in starving/purging for about 6-7months now my family are still on watch for anything so when I finally do get into a mindset of starving myself, I get paranoid about what others see in me. But as soon as I touch a piece of food I feel repulsed by myself and the fact that I can't control my hunger.

It's so annoying that I can never be happy with myself, I wish I were happy doing both really but I'm never satisfied.

Also what makes it worse is that I have to lose 14+lbs by 10December so I keep fluctuating in diets and eating and weight..it's frustrating and upsetting and I'm struggling with everything!

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[[Flowers In The Window]]