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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

please, tell me what you think.
Replies: 7Last Post Oct. 31 9:15pm by the mixed tape
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( Anonymous )

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i am one with the grass and my
eyes are fixed on the shifting clouds.
after a while i can no longer differentiate
the cotton candy whites from the
baby-blue backdrop, all floating above me
like phantom memories of your face.

if i looked away to the trees, the earth--anything, really
i could refresh myself and regain the focus
to see properly upon returning my eyes skyward,
but i am listless.

i stare at the softened periwinkle-and-alabaster
rorschach spots blurring into each other like
blended oil pastels in the heavens, and i exhale
into the silence of the mosquito-specked air.

i waste far too much time trying not to think of you.


7:29 pm on Oct. 31, 2009
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Where's the meter?

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7:30 pm on Oct. 31, 2009 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 415
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Areola

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That made me smile.

I enjoyed reading it, it's nice.

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She's gone.
She gave me a pen.
I gave her my heart,
she gave me a pen.


7:30 pm on Oct. 31, 2009 | Joined: Mar. 2009 | Days Active: 276
Join to learn more about Areola Kiribati | Posts: 44,033 | Points: 47,709
iHaveAlargePenis


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Good stuff.

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infinity plus slut gets mad

7:30 pm on Oct. 31, 2009 | Joined: Nov. 2008 | Days Active: 184
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radshelb


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Quote: from The Guy in Question at 9:30 pm on Oct. 31, 2009

Where's the meter?

Not all poems need a meter.

I like this poem for the most part.  I don't like some of the adjectives you used, but I really love when poets continue a thought into the next line.

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i love him


7:31 pm on Oct. 31, 2009 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 137
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Muffinman


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Good.

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7:34 pm on Oct. 31, 2009 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 349
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G3n3r4lMcMuff1n


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good.

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Yesterdays history, tomorrows a mystery. Yes, it rhymes
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7:47 pm on Oct. 31, 2009 | Joined: April 2009 | Days Active: 131
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the mixed tape


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Quote: from The Guy in Question at 10:30 pm on Oct. 31, 2009

Where's the meter?
Not every poem needs a meter....

I concur with Areola.

Beautifully written.

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Soulless is everywhere, destroy the spineless.


9:15 pm on Oct. 31, 2009 | Joined: July 2007 | Days Active: 472
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