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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

Prominence: A short (unfinished) prose
Replies: 7 — Last Post Nov. 9 4:11am by Dedalus
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( Dedalus )


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
I wrote this last night. Opinions please?

2:16 am on Nov. 9, 2009 | Joined: July 2009 | Days Active: 68
Join to learn more about Dedalus | Posts: 405 | Points: 16,131
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Suicidebooth


Swami
Sustainer
Support Leader 		Reply
Is that the first part? Or not?

-------
This girl owns my heart
2:18 am on Nov. 9, 2009 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 374
Join to learn more about Suicidebooth Montenegro | Straight Male | Posts: 23,635 | Points: 27,668
( Dedalus )


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:18 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Is that the first part? Or not?

or would be all ive written so far.
Other images in my IB are related to Dedalus

opinion?

2:20 am on Nov. 9, 2009 | Joined: July 2009 | Days Active: 68
Join to learn more about Dedalus | Posts: 405 | Points: 16,131
Suicidebooth


Swami
Sustainer
Support Leader 		Reply
Quote: from Dedalus at 3:20 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:18 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Is that the first part? Or not?

or would be all ive written so far.
Other images in my IB are related to Dedalus

opinion?

If you let me read it later i will tell you what i think. I'm kinda tired and pissed off so yeah i can't be fucked right now.

-------
This girl owns my heart
2:22 am on Nov. 9, 2009 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 374
Join to learn more about Suicidebooth Montenegro | Straight Male | Posts: 23,635 | Points: 27,668
( Dedalus )


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:22 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Dedalus at 3:20 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:18 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Is that the first part? Or not?
 

 or would be all ive written so far.  
 Other images in my IB are related to Dedalus  

 opinion?

If you let me read it later i will tell you what i think. I'm kinda tired and pissed off so yeah i can't be fucked right now.

so you decide to post asking questions of the piece, despite not preparing yourself to read it.

Thats logical.

2:22 am on Nov. 9, 2009 | Joined: July 2009 | Days Active: 68
Join to learn more about Dedalus | Posts: 405 | Points: 16,131
Suicidebooth


Swami
Sustainer
Support Leader 		Reply
Quote: from Dedalus at 3:22 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:22 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Dedalus at 3:20 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:18 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Is that the first part? Or not?

  or would be all ive written so far.
  Other images in my IB are related to Dedalus

  opinion?

If you let me read it later i will tell you what i think. I'm kinda tired and pissed off so yeah i can't be fucked right now.

so you decide to post asking questions of the piece, despite not preparing yourself to read it.

Thats logical.

I read half of that. And what i did read didn't make any sense what so ever So that is why i was asking god.

-------
This girl owns my heart
2:27 am on Nov. 9, 2009 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 374
Join to learn more about Suicidebooth Montenegro | Straight Male | Posts: 23,635 | Points: 27,668
save the world


Enlightened One
Patron 		Reply
Quite entertaining. Nice how you let the reader make his own guess as to who the woman is. I had an idea jut before the Pretty Woman mention and then it was settled.

The dialogue works well here. It's a smooth read.

On a side note, I kinda admire your persistence in posting your writings here, seeing as the number of comments is always so hopeless. Do you share them anywhere else? I hear deviantart is a decent place for that, but I never tried.

2:54 am on Nov. 9, 2009 | Joined: Oct. 2006 | Days Active: 823
Join to learn more about save the world Poland | Straight Male | Posts: 2,909 | Points: 15,977
( Dedalus )


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:27 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Dedalus at 3:22 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:22 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Dedalus at 3:20 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Quote: from Suicidebooth at 2:18 am on Nov. 9, 2009
Is that the first part? Or not?
   

  or would be all ive written so far.    
  Other images in my IB are related to Dedalus    

  opinion?

If you let me read it later i will tell you what i think. I'm kinda tired and pissed off so yeah i can't be fucked right now.
 

 so you decide to post asking questions of the piece, despite not preparing yourself to read it.  

 Thats logical.

I read half of that. And what i did read didn't make any sense what so ever So that is why i was asking god.

well surely the more logical reasoning would be to read the other half to see if that makes it sensical.

4:11 am on Nov. 9, 2009 | Joined: July 2009 | Days Active: 68
Join to learn more about Dedalus | Posts: 405 | Points: 16,131
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