For starters, I'm really sorry that your parents weren't the best parents on the planet. It's a sad truth in life but some people make mistakes and bad choices, and more often than not, those bad choices and mistakes effect others, whether or not they realise it (or care). I can't say why they did what they did; I'm not them, nor am I in their place, and while some people will tell you you should feel some sort of pity for them, others will say the exact opposite, and describe them as the scum of the earth. How you feel about them is something you need to figure out on your own, and there isn't any "right" or "wrong".
You can love them because they're your parents, but hate them because of what they've done, and you can pity them for the things they've gotten themselves into, but you can also learn from their mistakes; learn not to make the same ones yourself.
I'm sorry about your grandfather, and I'm sorry that she felt compelled to steal from him.
The issues at school are sort of universal, depending on who you talk to. You'd be surprised how many people feel as though they 'don't fit in'; they sit alone at lunch, do poorly in classes, or just feel invisible. That's something that every teenager has to deal with, unfortunately.
Onto the self harming. I'm sure that by now you realise this isn't the ideal way to deal with your problems, and I hope that you've tried other ways to cope. You could write, exercise, cook, punch a pillow, go for a walk, paint or draw. Have you tried the rubberband around your wrist trick? I hear that works pretty well.
I am, however, really happy to hear you say you aren't sexually active, and that you don't drink or do drugs. That's more than most people can say.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: it's doubtful that your mother will ever change. It's sad to think that, but it's a possibility you're going to have to accept. Your mother will probably always have harsh words for you, and treat you badly, and I'm sorry for that, but in my opinion the sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be.
It's a sad realisation that your own mother is so messed up that she can't display the simplest emotions towards her daughter, one that should be engraved in every mother, but it does happen.
Don't let what she's become and what she's done influence you. You are your own person, and you are strong, despite what she might say.
If you want to be a poet or an artist, then do it. So what if the other girl draws in the crowds, that's her business. You'll be discovered someday for your own unique style and talent, just keep practicing, keep doing what you love.
You sound a lot like my friend Mary, she has 5 brothers and 3 sisters and takes care of all of them. I know it isn't your responsibility, but please keep taking care of your siblings. They need a mother-figure around, even if it is an older sister. They need someone to show them right from wrong, because your mother obviously can't do it.
You are NOT a horrible person, by any stretch of the imagination, you're just in a horrible situation. Fortunately, situations are not permanent marks in time, and sooner or later things will change. Take care of your siblings, take care of yourself, do what you love, but remember your limitations. Don't expect things to clear up tomorrow, you'll only be disappointed. Keep your goals realistic and try to see through to the bright side.
I'll be praying for you.
Post edited at 7:17 pm on Nov. 9, 2009 by hannybananny
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