We became friends because we both hate a strong hate for the whole highschool conformity thing. That is definitely a part of who she is, thinking outside the box, etc. etc.

But lately, she's been gone all the time. She's on Academic Team. Academic Team is big at our school, and since they win so many awards, no one cares what they do. She goes to every Academic Tournament there is. It is not neccessary to do this. You only have to go to, like, 5 a year to qualify for the national championship. Meaning, she is typically gone every Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, of every week. And I mean GONE, like, to California (we live in Florida)

She does love competing, but the reason she does this is because she dislikes our highschool. Instead of expanding her horizons, and making friends, she spends as much time away from school as possible. When she finally comes back, she complains about our school so more. She also expects me to "jump", as soon as she comes back, and hang out with her.

She called me a bit ago, just got back from a tournament. Since we're seniors, we have to write this thing about what makes us "different" from other people. She goes "Dare me to write "I'm as different as everybody else!". So I said "Ok."

Later I asked her if she wrote it, and she said no. She said she "didn't want to be remembered" in that way.

So I said "What do you mean? Like you are? You do dislike conformity. Besides, this is just a blurb for the Senior Spot."

She goes "I don't want to remember myself as being 'sardonic'. That's not all of who I am.

I say "I know, but they aren't asking you that. The question is, how are you different. If that's your answer, then that's your answer. Sounds like you're a bit scared, to come off that way, if that's how you come off.

She says: "Don't tell me what I feel like."

To which I promptly say "Alright then. I've got some stuff to do. See you." And hang up.

I can't say that she neccessarily deserved to be hung up on, but I think my annoyance was due to a couple of things. The fact that she's not even around to be a friend, the fact that is no longer exciting, and can't seem to realize what she is, and is not."

Idk. Advice?

Post edited at 1:40 pm on Nov. 9, 2009 by Anonymous

You don't need friends. I don't.

And I think that was her point.  So even if it's someone that's a best friend, good friend, known them for years... you should always recognize that it's pretty impossible to know everything about a person, and it's VERY easy to hide real feelings/personality.

This being said... sometimes people drift apart, and there's nothing wrong with it.  Just make sure that you're not throwing away a relatinship that you may eventually wish you had back.  But if she's never around, if you can't communicate well anymore... it happens.  And people go their separate ways... and especially at your age, you're all still trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be.  You're changing rather rapidly, even if you don't realize it yourself.  Since you guys spend so much time apart, chances are, you change separately too, and sometimes that causes people to pull away from each other.

So it's normal, and it may be what's necessary for you.  But like I said, make sure you're not throwing away an important friendship in your life because of a few things that could have easily be corrected.

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You're making on assumption, which is also what your friend was saying. That YOU know better than SHE does what she is and what she isn't. You only see the side of herself that she chooses to show to you and the rest of the people. But despite this, that is not necessarily what defines her as a person. YOU might define her this way, but that doesn't make it true.

And I think that was her point. So even if it's someone that's a best friend, good friend, known them for years... you should always recognize that it's pretty impossible to know everything about a person, and it's VERY easy to hide real feelings/personality.

This being said... sometimes people drift apart, and there's nothing wrong with it. Just make sure that you're not throwing away a relatinship that you may eventually wish you had back. But if she's never around, if you can't communicate well anymore... it happens. And people go their separate ways... and especially at your age, you're all still trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be. You're changing rather rapidly, even if you don't realize it yourself. Since you guys spend so much time apart, chances are, you change separately too, and sometimes that causes people to pull away from each other.

So it's normal, and it may be what's necessary for you. But like I said, make sure you're not throwing away an important friendship in your life because of a few things that could have easily be corrected.

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I know there are different sides to her, but all she talks about is conformity, 24/7.

I was just saying that if that was her initial response (which she talked about for a good 10 minutes), then why wouldn't she put that?

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I feel like you have no place to get angry at her for going on tournaments.  
Girl does what she likes to do. Maybe you should find something for yourself that you can devote time to like she does with academic team.

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I guess you didn't read what I said.

I said it was annoying, that she spends a good 3/4 of her time in another state (and has been doing so for 6 months), and then when she gets home, she is expecting to hang out like nothing happened.

I also, just on principle, find it irritating that instead of choosing to TRY make friends in what she considers a less than ideal situation, she runs away. But that's an entirely different matter.

People make time for what matters most to them. Obviously, these tournaments matter most to her. But, I find something slightly wrong with sacrificing everything for these tournaments (she has no friends, is never home with family, etc. etc.) that she goes to to avoid school.

Post edited at 1:58 pm on Nov. 9, 2009 by Anonymous

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I know there are different sides to her, but all she talks about is conformity, 24/7.

I was just saying that if that was her initial response (which she talked about for a good 10 minutes), then why wouldn't she put that?

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My guess is this.  Just because you speak of comformity, and you say you enjoy being outside of the box... you don't necessarily get rid of the fear of rejection.  Who knows... maybe because she's felt that she's never fit in, she tries to convince herself that she doesn't care, and prefers being where she is.  And part of her probably does, but another part... might feel differently.

It's a thought, it may be wrong, but there's a chance that that could be the explanation.

Or otherwise... maybe she feels that this is something that has caused her some trouble in highschool, part of the reason it's caused her to hate it so much... and so making it her comment, something that she can look back on, will only remind her of the hurt.  Why would she want that?

So who knows... I mean, I know it's annoying from your end, but no one is perfect.  We all second guess ourselves, and mayeb she lost her faith in that kind of response...  Or... maybe by asking you to dare her, she wanted a reason to HAVE to put that down, but ultimately found she couldn't bring herself to do it anyway.

Again, it's all speculation.  I know her much less than you do, obviously.  It's just another perspective to look at things.  You may find the relatinship less annoying if there's a bit more understanding, but maybe you won't if you're already clear on where this relatinship is heading.