My boyfriend said he wants to go and do a doctorate afterwards and I'm more going-to-go-wherever-the-job-takes-me. He did originally want to go and do it in another country, but he's backed out of that one, and now he's saying he'll come with me wherever I go. I love him and this is possibly the best and most close relationship I've ever been in, but I don't want him to follow me, I admired him for being so ambitious originally.

I originally wanted to be single for my final year, so that I could sever the ties and go off wherever I pleased after uni, but now we're involved I worry. I don't want him to give up his dreams for me, but I don't want to follow him either. This is affecting me a bit as I am subconsciously trying to not let myself love him :\ I don't want to get in too much deeper with him since I know we may break up, but then again I don't want to lose him either.

Any suggestions/experiences welcome, thanks.

I feel if I say to him frankly that I need to go my own way and him his, then it'll sound like I'm saying to split up, and that would make sense, but I don't want to.

i think what you want is not to be tied down in a "commit" lol

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I'm a fool for falling but im a bigger fool for allowing it to hurt me

My plan originally was to be single so I could concentrate on my work and then go off wherever, but then after the third time asking me out I said okay :p

and its not hard for him to have his dreams of being with his girl...

i use to?, when i was dating a chick i really loved?

soo yeah

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I'm a fool for falling but im a bigger fool for allowing it to hurt me

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if you don't wanna be with him, dont lie..

and its not hard for him to have his dreams of being with his girl...

i use to?, when i was dating a chick i really loved?

soo yeah

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I do want to be with him. But I don't want him to give up his job/qualification-related dreams for me, or to change his plans for me in any way.

I'd feel selfish.

Your boyfriend has to do a Masters first,right?

Is your boyfriend worried that he won't get good enough marks to do his  Masters and eventually his Ph.D.

If he gets good enough marks I bet he would choose to stay on.

Problem solved,if he doesn't then he hasn't got anything to lose by being with you,but you might not want him around!!!??

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to much monkey business

Surely, you should want to be with your boyfriend while making any choice of career to suit yourself? It's fine he should want to achieve a Masters, though, just the same that you might want to follow suit.

Relationships go through much strain during university years, while most fall, and lovers part company. You have come so far and now you are admitting not wanting to let yourself loving him anymore?

I think the kindest thing you can do for him is break off your relationship rather than keep unfairly stringing him along. You don't owe it to yourself. You owe it to him.

Post edited at 4:07 am on Nov. 6, 2009 by Arquette

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If you believe in yourself good things,
then go do it.

Basically I don't want him to follow me just for "us" 'cause if this all goes pear-shaped then I'm going to feel terrible for leading him astray. I don't want to be like his past gf's that have messed him about. arghhh. I don't know what would be best.

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I find it extraordinary that after having gone through university with your boyfriend, no mean feat as it's taken at least three years of committment that now you are wanting to be cut free to go your own way.

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We have only been together a few months, but I have known him since the beginning of uni so we are very close.