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people who live in the US, UK, Canada etc etc |
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 Replies: 26 — Last Post Nov. 4 4:09pm by Bud2400
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Web Resources: Teen Pregnancy Facts, Abortion Facts
USA Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663
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( Bearsy )
Guru
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and say stuff like, "If you want to advance in a relationship/ask someone you don't know out on a date/tell someone that they're attractive/that you want to sleep with them/etc then you should just say it straight out!" are either not thinking clearly, drinking, or don't understand how our society socializes at all. I assume in most cases it's the former, because I doubt most people who dish out this advice have little enough sense to actually try this. We get to trust people in bits, asking them basic questions to start and then slowly getting to know the more personal levels of them. Like there's never silence when you first meet someone, it's uncomfortable not to constantly ask questions about themselves and give information as well so that you can get to see the big picture before gauging the rest of them in later encounters. Blind dates are always awkward unless alcohol takes people's basic (and necessary) social inhibitions away, and most people, whether they admit it or not, are offended by irl extreme bluntness. Even if "do you think you could you try to, like, do X differently, just 'cause I..." from someone you aren't close with says the same thing as "Will you stop doing X, 'cause I do..." people are much less taken aback by the former. The person is showing consideration and isn't leveling themselves above the person they're talking to by assuming authority role. The only difference is that the polite question is phrased indirectly and the impolite one is direct. I'm certainly not socially smart, but this is really basic, and it bugs when dumbasses on LW are like, "Oh if you want something just ask for it directly." Yeah, not smart. For pete's sake at least make some unbiased attempt to figure out if the other person is interested before dropping an enormous "I like you" bomb. If you don't know that that'll lead to people feeling awkward and getting hurt, you should never give advice to anyone ever. Post edited at 10:44 am on Nov. 4, 2009 by Bearsy
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click and please click
^use head phones
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 LiveWire Humor
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hannybananny
Wealthy Hobo
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I've never said that, and never heard anyone say that.
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my lastfm ^^
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( Bearsy )
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It's also rude to tell anyone you barely know that you're attracted to them/you'd like to go out with them. Would you like it if someone you didn't trust said this to you? Really think about how incredibly awkward that is.
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click and please click
^use head phones
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OneSquared
Soothsayer
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Agreed. Its not that easy as LW makes it look. And I'm so sure most of these people don't do as they advise others to.
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Seperated by routine, we are all mourning in parallel form
the same silent tragedies.
[R.I.P Grandma 3/1/09 Love you, Miss you]
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the raven
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does this only go for strangers or does it apply to people you already talk to but want to get to know more intimately as well?
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the raven
Sustainer
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Quote: from Bearsy at 1:38 pm on Nov. 4, 2009
 It's also rude to tell anyone you barely know that you're attracted to them/you'd like to go out with them. Would you like it if someone you didn't trust said this to you? Really think about how incredibly awkward that is.
awkward maybe, but i don't find it to be rude.
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SpM
Unprincipled
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Fourth option: their aim in giving advice is not to provide assistance, but to solidify their position of power as the advice giver by trivialising the issue and casting themselves as bold and knowledgeable.
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10:45 am on Nov. 4, 2009 | Joined: Feb. 2007 | Days Active: 650
Join to learn more about SpM Scotland, United Kingdom | Posts: 27,894 | Points: 39,195
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the raven
Sustainer
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Quote: from Bearsy at 1:49 pm on Nov. 4, 2009
Quote: from The Raven at 10:43 am on Nov. 4, 2009
Quote: from Bearsy at 1:41 pm on Nov. 4, 2009
Quote: from The Raven at 10:39 am on Nov. 4, 2009
does this only go for strangers or does it apply to people you already talk to but want to get to know more intimately as well?
people you don't know extremely well obviously you can be direct with your own best friends...
i don't mean best friends.
i mean people you already speak to. just that. not anyone you greatly share things with, your average acquaintance. i ask because i have no issues telling people exactly how i feel or what i want. and for the most part, they appreciate the honesty. stranger or acquaintance.
Yeah average acquaintances. Would you tell and average acquaintance you want to fuck them, or start a dialog on abortion or whether there's a God? If you're really blunt like that though, I'm sure most people seem to appreciate it because most people aren't going to chew out their average acquaintance by telling them they're too blunt
i do it extremely often, yes. if anyone has a problem with my being blunt, they all seem very passive then, and refuse to say anything. especially considering the notable times i can remember where it has turned into a long conversation that goes into detail.
i actually had a long conversation about religion with someone i'd just met a couple of weeks ago. we only stopped because we were in a public place and a girl across the room got offended by something that was said. not everyone is the same. there are plenty of people out there who can walk up to a person they are attracted to and slip them their number, and tell them they are attracted to them. not a rarity in the world at all.
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