But the worst thing is, i feel like i wish my mom did it instead of my dad. I mean now i feel like my mom doesn't love me, my mom never in my life asked me how am i? or Is there anything you want to talk about?. Or even I love you. wtf?

I feel depressed.

It's always the best option to get help to deal with emotional issues.
And dealing with traumatic experiences, like your dad.

o.o