I've been with my boyfriend for just over a month now and that probably seems like a stupidly short time but it is my first relationship for two years so it seems longer. We met at university, the relationship did begin quickly but it did just feel right. At first it was amazing, I was so happy and finally realised what my friends in relationships were going on about. But time has now passed from that and I feel trapped. I'm finding myself drawn to other people, any other person. I haven't done anything with anyone else and I wouldn't but I hate myself for having these feelings.

My boyfriend is possibly one of the nicest people I have ever met. I get on with him so well, we have a laugh, he's friends with all my friends. Everything should be right but its not. I feel as though I want to be in a relationship with him, but at the same time I'm not yet ready for a relationship of any kind. I will be honest, over the last two years I have done exactly what I wanted to and got with whoever I wanted to. I enjoy being single and I don't think I've got that out of my system just yet.

No relationship I've ever had has lasted more than 3 months. I'm not sure if this is me genuinely not wanting to be in a relationship or if its simply me thinking that it won't work out and so this is a form of self sabotage.

Writing this down has made me realise how stupid this sounds and how much of a bitch I am for behaving like this to someone who is so amazing. I know the relationship started quickly but I get this feeling in every relationship I've ever had, whether it started quickly or if I knew the person for years. I guess I would like some advice if someone wouldn't mind helping me out a little.

-------
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time for decisions and revelations
which a minute will reverse - T.S. Eliot

But matter of the story is, if you don't want a relationship to work, it's not going to and if you don't have the feelings there that need to be then you'll just be lying or leading him on.  I've been there, it sucks because they may be awesome and crazy and perfect but if it's not what you want right now, then it's not what you want.  Sometimes you gotta think of yourself first and what you want...I have a feeling it'll work out better that way for him as well, in the end.

Perfect instance of the "it's not you, it's me" thing.

Hope you get everything sorted out, whatever which way it goes.

-------
Just another harmless tripper.