www.textsfromlastnight.com
This is a website that collects texts sent out (mostly sent in an inebriated manner) that are hilarious. Identifiable only by area code, these are a few of my favorites:
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
(978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
(715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
(651): you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
(615): small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
(423): so no drinking for you?
(615): don't be silly
(970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
(902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
(971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
(416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
(512): At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
(512): We need to rekindle our bromance
(214): Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
(512): halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
(480): exactly, that's why i want something interesting
(512): slutty neuroscientist?
(512): This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
(512): I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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and somewhere deep inside I know we will find
we are back from the future,
saving the interwebz one post at a time
SG
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(970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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