I do not know what is going on anymore. I am so fucking tired of everything. My supposed "brother" (not really, but my bestfriend), of seven years has stabbed me in the back one to many times. Each time revolving around the same stupid fucking girl that I really just do not like all that much. I completely and utterly told my bestfriend to fuck off over myspace. That we were done, I believe one of the things that I said was "eat shit and die mother fucker". We are done.
Also, schooling. I am 17 years old but I am a freshman in highschool, I fucking freshman!!! It is not even my fault either. It is because my stupid bitch of a mother. I should be graduating. I should be done by now. But I am not. This is terrible. I should be turnning senior but I can not because of my mother. I am starting something called "k12" which is pretty much an online schooling or like an idiependant studies that way I can focus on my studies more and not as much as my social life that I would experience when I am at school.
I think that the real, or at least biggest root of all of my stress is my ex-girlfriend. I love her, see. I love her more then anything in the world. I want to marry her. I spend my day fantasizing about what it will be like to live with her in my own house and our children and sleeping in the same bed as her. See, we have dated a couple of times, all in which ended in her leaving me. Now, we had this big 'ol falling out and then we became friends ago and she has confessed her love for me. She supposedly feels the same for me as I her. Now the thing that is stopping us now is that her parents will not let her have a social life what so ever because she got an F on her report card lastyear. So I can not see her barely at all. Also, she is going to the same school as I did lastyear and I will not because I am taking K12. I am afraid that my absence will make her lose feelings for me, or some other guy will come and sweep her off of her feet. I love her.
I am so stressed.