i cant say my life sucks. i know it doesnt. but im not happy with it. i can feel my depression coming back and in some ways i dont want it to. in others i think it might make things easier. everyone thinks of me as the funny energetic girl. if you met me you would never expect this. i put on an act and im very good at it. the only person who knows who i really am is my boyfriend.

and maybe that is one of the reasons im so down. im going off to college in a week and i wont be able to see him very often. im scared to death about it. im going to be a division 1 athlete which takes away most of my free time. and i know theres phone calls, but i cant express myself through that. i need someone, him, to sit me down and talk to me.

i would never want to stay home though either. my brother is very intelligent which is great for him. im really proud of him. my parents, grandparents, family value education. they think my sports are stupid. he is favored over me incredibly. my grandparents paid for all his college stuff while i had to pay it myself though my job. he has never worked a day in his life.

i could go on but i think i wrote more than enough. i dont really know why i wrote this. maybe i want advice. or maybe i just needed to get this out.

but im scared.

Basically, im saying its normal for you to be nervous/scared. Im starting college on Monday, and im nervous as hell. But i know that i'll get through it.

Think of this as a way to "get over" your old depression, and your cutting. Think of it as an opportunity to leave all of that behind, and start a new way of life. You're moving yourself forward in life, and it's a great thing!!

Now i dont have a significant other, but i can imagine how not having your boyfriend, who is seemingly your rock, around you can be scary in itself. A relationship is about learning how to overcome battles, trials, and tribulations together. This college experience is a trial for you too. You're right, you might not be able to talk to each other face-to-face as much, but it doesnt matter. Why doesnt it matter? Because you WILL get through it, and you WILL find ways to talk to each other. Yeah phone conversation doesnt always do the trick, but its something. And you just watch, once you get through a few weeks of college, you'll get your schedule down, and you'll be able to find time to sit down and talk to your boyfriend. It's all about time management.

Basically what im trying to say, is just take a deeeeep breathe, look at things logically, leave the old in the past and make room for the new and exciting, and grow and adapt. I am positive that you and your boyfriend will both get through college, and you will both grow from this experience and have an even stronger relationship.

:)

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Im a front porch sittin, guitar pickin, moonshine sippin,

baccer juice spittin, COUNTRY BOY FROM THE WOODS.