we danced for a bit and then he started kissing me we had never spoken a word. i didn't really want to kiss him but i thought if it was just a quick innocent kiss then i wouldn't mind. but we kissed for ages then he started fingering me and that was too much, as soon as i could i left.

he never said a word to me, but i didn't make it clear that i didn't want it to happen and plus i was drunk and im fairly sure he was too.

i sat in a toilet cubicle in shock for half an hour and when i tried to get out of the club i burst into hysterical tears and was taken to the first aid room where i spent most of the night crying and even had two massive flip outs where i started smacking my head and banging it on the wall and generally freaking out and going crazy.

i know normal people dont react the way i did but i dont consider myself normal. i've got a history of depression and self harm etc. to make it worse i am a fresher in uni i moved to a completely new city less than a week ago and only have a couple of friends. it took me hours to calm down enough to sleep.

my friends were really surpportive and looked after me well. but i keep remembering it and im mortified and want to forget it all. im not sure if it was a sexual assault cos we were drunk and kissing and fingering on a dancefloor isn't out of the ordinary. im not sure

i just wanted peoples advice on how to cope ad their outlook on the situation.

ps im really not confident with guys and a lad i had my eye on who goes to my uni was there we havnt spoken but we have made a lot of eye contact so i thought that that may be a sign, but now i feel like ive ruined every chance i ever had with him.

-------
I dont want the world to see me, cause I dont think that they'd understand.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

You shouldent hate yourself for doing so, its happened to many of my friends and they dont think of it as anything bad. It even happened to me before, of course im olde now and wont let a stranger just shove him hands up my box, but it doesent make it wrong.

You were drunk, its a drunken mistake. Dont blow it out of proportion...its not like you had sex with a complete stranger in a corner of that club. Calm down, its nothing bad. Just forget about it...the more you think of it over and over the more it will eat away at you.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I don't like when guys come up to me, it is hard to get away sometimes. I know there might not be that much you can do as it was not as serious as rape,  but put it down to experience. Maybe don't drink as much when you go out next time so you can stay more in control - and not kiss anyone either? Also don't go right into the middle of the dance floor, its hard to get out.

I was a fresher last week too and its not nice trying to fit in somewhere completely new and with no-one but you. Try joining a club/society.

he started fingering me is where the line got crossed from being "nothing big" to being assault. He knew you were drunk and therefore he decided to take advantage of that and start fingering you. Sure it was all just innocent at the start, but as soon as he started doing that it could be classified as sexual assault. Even if you didn't make it clear that you didn't want it to happen, the fact that you're being taken advantage of while you are drunk is the real major issue.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you, and it's pretty hard to get over and it will take a while. Normal people do react the way that you did once they realize what happened. You haven't done anything out of the ordinary with how you're handling this. You've got a lot of good friends in your life, especially if they are standing by you through this and being supportive. Just continue trying to stay close with them and showing them that you need them. Talking about things until you are ready to move on.

Good luck <3