I agree with TheOtherHorseman in that your problems are not from your relationship with Alex or lack thereof, but your family, specifically your mother. This does not mean that your mother is a bad person, or that you are a bad daughter, but simply that a conflict between the two of you has been going on for far too long, and it has shaped the way you run your life and view yourself and the way you should interact with other people.

Your story reminds me of the cultural clashes of many of my friends whose parents emigrated from their home countries for various reasons before having children in the US. Whereas the parent's would attempt to instill their cultural values in their children, the children themselves would have a hybrid mishmash of American culture that they gained from school and friends, often conflicting with religious or other cultural beliefs of the parent(s). It is probably impossible to reform the beliefs of the parent, and the parent may in fact feel that they have failed as a parent for not being able to teach the child properly about their own culture.

The worst part of the situation seems to be that it may be 'too late' for you as well, in the context that you have already gone through your entire childhood without resolving this issue. It seems to me that the time for negotiations have passed, and that all you are hoping for is an escape. Perhaps this is the best recourse for you, as it does not seem likely to me as an observer that your family will suddenly become accepting of neither your lifestyle choices nor your love interests.

A problem I often see in families where the parents are overprotective of the children is that the parents claim that the children don't appreciate what the parent is doing for them, while the child feels smothered and thinks the parents are trying to live their life through the child. This problem can be related to the old addage, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone." The child will be unable to truly appreciate what the parent is doing for them until they are able to experience life without (as much) parental intervention. Unfortunately, to achieve this, the parents need to let go, which is exactly what they are trying to prevent.

You seem to have enough intelligence about your own situation where you can realize that your mother is, in fact, trying to do her best to protect you from the evils of the world as she sees them, and you also realize that no matter how much you might disagree with her, she is still your mother and nothing you do can change that. This conflict will not go away on it's own, and all you can do is continue to attempt to take matters in to your own hands.

Find a job, move out, be free.

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I've had to deal with a similar situation but not to that extent. I think you really need to find a way to get away from her. And if this ex of yours is going to be a jerk, I don't think you knew him as well as you thought. Don't be his "friend with benefits", it'll get you hurt and he's being a pig. I get that he was there for months but he's not now and he should understand that you're suffering but he's too consumed with himself and the way he feels to care.

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"Life is a journey. Time is a river. The door is ajar."
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.