Sleepy nights Suddenly my sleepy nights Make dreamy days At times I imagine his lips Or my lips Touching his lips And some nights I've heard his voice Calling to my captive soul Contained Controlled In love I'm sold To my own Wild fantasies That neither will be torn from me Nor fulfilled Dreamy day and sleepy night I am reminded of That line Deep red and scrolled across The monument of my emotions Erected there to Keep me In shackles Chained Contained Controlled In love Still sold And Bought with fools gold
1:40 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2007 | Days Active: 362 Join to learn more about Latin MuscleArgentina | StraightMale | Posts: 20,780 | Points: 20,500
ragemore
Visionary
It's interesting, I think a little rough at parts. Like it felt to me that the last line didn't fit the rhythm of the whole poem. But I'm no expert.
Overall I liked it though.
------- I happen to think you're pretty dandy.
1:45 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2006 | Days Active: 377 Join to learn more about ragemoreCalifornia, United States | GLBT AllyFemale | Posts: 4,675 | Points: 8,811
Well its good but personally Id change a few parts Still good though!
------- What if I fell to the floor Couldn't take all this anymore What would you do?
2:06 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 241 Join to learn more about DazigirlAustralia | Label FreeFemale | Posts: 2,927 | Points: 8,839
616 users online 
211550 members 
You have 1 new message.
Patron
Sustainer
