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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

please what do you think?!?
Replies: 4Last Post Sep. 5 2:06am by Dazigirl
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( lindingair )


Grasshopper
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Sleepy nights
Suddenly my sleepy nights
Make dreamy days
At times I imagine his lips
Or my lips
Touching his lips
And some nights
I've heard his voice
Calling to my captive soul
Contained
Controlled
In love
I'm sold
To my own
Wild fantasies
That neither will be torn from me
Nor fulfilled
Dreamy day and sleepy night
I am reminded of
That line
Deep red and scrolled across
The monument of my emotions
Erected there to
Keep me
In shackles
Chained
Contained
Controlled
In love
Still sold
And
Bought with fools gold

1:39 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2008 | 2 Days Active
Join to learn more about lindingair United States | 6 Posts | 26 Points
latin muscle


Omnipotent One

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4

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whatever

1:40 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined Oct. 2007 | 234 Days Active
Join to learn more about latin muscle Spain | Straight Male | 15834 Posts | 18827 Points
ragemore


Visionary
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It's interesting, I think a little rough at parts. Like it felt to me that the last line didn't fit the rhythm of the whole poem. But I'm no expert.

Overall I liked it though.

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I happen to think you're pretty dandy.


1:45 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined Oct. 2006 | 351 Days Active
Join to learn more about ragemore California, United States | GLBT Ally Female | 4649 Posts | 8522 Points
xsolox


Enlightened One

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Support Leader
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not my thing

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--Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam--

1:58 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2007 | 505 Days Active
Join to learn more about xsolox Australia | Label Free Female | 8099 Posts | 14069 Points
Dazigirl


Wealthy Hobo

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Well its good but personally Id change a few parts
Still good though!

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×oÖØ¯..,×,/¯ØÖo×:.,Dazi,.:×oÖØ¯..,×,/¯ØÖo×
_____,,,,,,.:;;-..¯..Music Lover..¯..-;;:.,,,,,,_____
Jezigirl owns
^.^

2:06 am on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined June 2008 | 118 Days Active
Join to learn more about Dazigirl Australia | Label Free Female | 1391 Posts | 4301 Points
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