i've been cutting for almost a year now. when i started i used a razor, but then i switched to scissors because they don't cut as deep and i don't want to bleed to death. well over the weekend i was cleaning my room and i found the razor. and i used it. and now i never want to settle for scissors again.
i feel so out of control. i used to feel like cutting gave me control, but now it's like it's taken control of me. i can't stop. shit happens and cutting is the only way i can handle it. and if i don't cut i shake and i can't breath and then i cave in and do it anyway. i'm still breathing. i still have a pulse. but i feel so dead inside. i don't know what to do.
i know i might need help. but the thing is, i have serious issues trusting adults. i can't talk to them and i won't. and ending up in rehab is my worst nightmare. it would ruin my life. rumors would fly around at school, i'd lose half my friends b/c they're not the type to deal with this shit, and my parents... they'd never trust me. it'll just reinforce my mom's idea that i'm a bad kid and a horrible selfish person. my family is very... unstable, and if they found out i cut it would just make things even worse.
i just don't know what to do
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