I got to go out with her at the end of yaer 9, and we spent 2 years together. (we broke up at the end of yaer 11) Long story short, we were on and off after this because she cheated on me, adn every time we wanted to start fresh i still resented her..

Then we were on again for good.. or so i thought.. She dumped me so she could pick up other guys at parties (summerised).. This was 9months ago..

I feel shit house constantly, most of my weekends (if im not playing a gig) getting absolutly smashed off my face to try and feel better about everything.. When i get drunk, i say things to people that fucks things up with the friendships i have..

Im usually thinking about death. And my jokes are considered very 'left-wing' to the point that they're considered really socally un acceptable.. I contemplate suicide, but the only thing stopping me is my family and friends, and sometimes i just with that i would haev an accadent so that i end up in hospital..

Before you people start saying things like "oh, get over if yuo sook, its just abreak up" Yeah, its a break up.. But it happened in year 9 i was depressed..

I dont know how to tell my parents that im thinking this way and to get help.. Because i know that if i tell them, mum and dad will feel shit because they will think they did a crap job of raising me.. Im sure there's other people on LW that have had 'depression' and wanted help but wasn't sure hwo to go about it..

So if you have any sugestions on how i can tell them or ho i can get help without them worrying.. That'd be great.

start eating properly, exercising and getting involved in sports/voluntary work/whatever

watch socially competent people interact and mimic them

-------
jesus christ was a cunt and a rapist