LiveWire Network Peer Answers Peer Support Teen Forums Tech Forums College Forums 580 users online 211549 members 1439 active today Advertise Here Sign In
TeenCollegeTechPhotos | Quizzes | LiveSecret | Memberlist | Dictionary | News | FAQ
Member Spotlight
crashdummi7
Cool Things: guitar, soccer
Mood: Lonely
You have 1 new message.
Emergency Help
Until you sign up you can't do much. Yes, it's free.

Sign Up Now
Membername:
Password:
Already have an account?
Invite Friends
Active Members
Groups
Contests
Moderators
3 online / 56 MPM
Fresh Topics
  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

Please, constructive critisism
Replies: 1Last Post Sep. 5, 2008 1:23pm by KatieKaBOOM
Welcome to LiveWire!
We're Stronger Together.
Join the Community
Single page for this topic Email Print Favorite
( Anonymous )

Reply
I suck!!
How to improve this:

My life is nothing but a path
That leads to all we know
My love is like a portal
To what my spirit shows,

A body is a chapter
In a spirits life,
A lump of earth,
We call our own,
For walking upon such wonder,

Our minds are but sweet music,
Simple and pretty to those who feel,
A vision of trickery,
Learnt from those of old
To give us some to mean.

I think its the last para that's the problem. Any ideas?


3:32 am on Sep. 4, 2008
KatieKaBOOM


Professional
Reply
I think it's amazing!!!

-------
It's a God thing!
=D

1:23 pm on Sep. 5, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 111
Join to learn more about KatieKaBOOM Ohio, United States | Straight Female | Posts: 1,406 | Points: 2,614
Single page for this topic Email Print Favorite

Quick Reply

You are signed in as our guest.

Looking for something else?
 

  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic