It's odd for me to focus on myself because I'm a really empathetic person, but this is starting to cause headaches on a steady basis now. When ever I'm alone I get really depressed over things that, when I really think about it, shouldn't matter or are out of my control for the time being. I think about abandoning my morals for a more carefree life, which is a progression from suicidal thoughts. It's something I've had in varying degrees throughout my life. I find myself method acting random situations that I've witnessed others go through and some that are just fiction, but my emotions are very real. I don't fight it, despite knowing that it never helps. It's embarrassing to admit and I know I can snap out of it on my own accord, so it's not like I'm out of control or something. I'm thinking about seeking antidepressant medication but I'm afraid of what that will do to my cognitive abilities. I'm trying to become a college professor and I'm not even close to finishing my education.
The only person I've ever known that took antidepressants was a productive zombie. He has a family and his own business but no friends. He works 6 days a week, still. He's made plenty of money to stop working as hard as he does, but he doesn't desire any different. I don't want to become like that. If that's the kind of person it's going to push me toward becoming I don't want to have any part of it.
Thoughts?
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