Feels like I'm getting older and older, but not old. I have a full time job with good pay, a long lasting and meaningful relationship and live comfortably. I'll even be going to college to get even more money. And what does this all mean to me? Barely anything! Even though some people told me I have it made. They told me this is the life. And more money? Unless you win the lottery it doesn't really mean much. What is so magical about life? You fuck someone and have a kid? Then they have to go through the hard-work and daily shit that makes someone's life, and the ever worsening world and it's horrible people. I've done many jobs, traveled many places and I meet assholes almost every time. Love, isn't it wonderful? Trust me, after hard work, bills and inevitable arguments, the novelty wears off.
The only time you can truly feel good about something is by yourself. I drink, smoke tobacco and smoke drugs with recklessness. Only hoping for death and peace to come much quicker. Heck I don't care if I die tomorrow, go to jail, or even end up in a third world country fighting to live daily. Cause all you do is work and die pretty much. Hobbies, are nice but you'll only want more and more time for them, and you'll always not have enough.
It's all about the small moments to find happiness. The times you do crazy shit with your friends that make you laugh when you remember them years later. Or that great night of hot sex, blah blah. Enjoying a good toke or having a few beers will help you remember them. Or just to relax after a day of crap.
Not to ramble, if you are careful. There doesn't have to be negative effects of drugs. It doesn't automatically mean you are going to be a loser.
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