You know, nothing bad has happened at all in the 3 days I’ve been here. There are 10 people on my course. Seven girls and one of them is a part-time model.

I always thought things would pick up once I left home, and I suppose it has. I've had strange dreams the last 2 nights. They are a mixture of here and home. Catherine still appears in them every night. She always drives past me at some stage, only lately she's been in a white car instead of a red car…

There are lots of girls here, but I feel shy. It’s like I'm out of touch with other people now. I remember how girls just fell in love with me within 10 minutes and I wasn't the least bit self-conscious. Now I feel like a bit of a fool…

I remember before in the city, the heel of a young woman’s high heel got stuck between the joint in 2 paving slabs along a street. She was very embarrassed. I gallantly knelt down and pulled it out for her. I wouldn’t do that now.

I’d dearly love to go back to the way I was, over confident, headstrong, funny, etc. But I don't think I can, and worst of all I don't think I want to…I just want to be me.  I just want to feel happy doing what I do, and if I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing I don't want to care.