I was raped 3 years ago, by my ex-boyfriend. My current boyfriend knows this and respects my wishes to not have sex yet. He says that he's completely fine with it, though I know that it can't be true. He says that he's satisfied to just hold my naked body in his arms and to just have my hands rung along his body.

Can he really be okay with it?

How can I get myself to not feel like a slut about sex anymore? I mean, it's like I really want him, my body aches for him, but then I start to think...and I know that I'll regret it afterwards. He says he doesn't want to sleep with me if there's even the tiniest chance of me regretting it, because it'd "destroy" us and ruin all the trust he's been trying to build up.

We have oral sex...and usually I'm okay with that. I'm more than happy when he's performing it on em and I love giving him a blow job, but sometimes I'll randomly have a flash back of my ex-forcing me to do that...forcing me to swallow...and my current boyfriend will notice right away, because then I either get really stiff or start crying...he just tells me to stop and pulls me into his arms...

What to do?

Don't have sex until you are ready, that's all I can say.

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Reginald! Release the hounds!

A great philosopher once wrote naughty naughty, very naughty

he can be perfectly fine with not haveing sex so don't worry about that
when you are 100% sure your ready you will not regret it so wait until then just make sure you don't have second thoughts before you do it and take it really slow and just make sure your comfortable with the situation

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boys suck

PM me if you need to talk.

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They'd be genuine hard-core gangstas except for
the upper-class white guy stigma....

1) This is just as good as sex in my book. Gentler, takes less energy, and makes for excellent fapping material later on that night after you've gone home.
2) You have an INCREDIBLY loving boyfriend. I know maybe -maybe- 2 guys other than myself who'd be willing to do so little for so long. You're a very lucky girl.
3) Have you tried sex to a lesser extent, like dry humping? That might give you an idea as to is you're ready or not.

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Never forget. White Ninja. 2.17.08
"I'm in a constant state of boogie." -Fenton
"Mankind hasn't invented the sandwich that I couldn't finish." -Me

However, you should keep in mind that this time, there will be a difference.  The sex would be rooted in love, not violence.  I think if you realize that, it shouldn't make you feel like a slut, at all.

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if he isnt cheating
he loves u

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I know how it feels to get raped i had the same problem. And even now that Ive been in a relationship with a guy for 1 year and a half and we do have sex, I do sometime feel like a slut.

Its CLEAR your boyfriend REALLY cares about you. Because if he didn't i doubt he would have been with you this long without sex.

First off: Invite him over talk to him.
Second: Tell him how you feel, and make sure he UNDERSTANDS.
Third: If you think you can handle having sex with him then do so, just make sure if at any point you start to feel uncomfortable you tell him to stop. I'm sure he will.
Fourth: You need to let go of your past. ITS HARD, trust me. But its something you need to learn how to do.

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http://chair-a-tee.myminicity.com/ind      go to that link

You have, no doubt, been told that rape is not about love, though sex is the vehicle that carried fear and disrespect to your body, your soul. So it's easy to understand why sex can bring back apprehension and falshbacks to a bad time in your life. But now is a good time in your life and you have a guy who wants to show you love and you want to show him love. You are both doing it now. If you feel you are now ready to move on- not because you'd like to give him sex - but because you need to move to the next part of your life, then i suggest you start talking to a counsellor, maybe with your BF in on one or two sessions. WHen and iff "full" sex happens, you will likely want to and need to be in control- your BF needs to understand that and will likely be just fine with it.

Finally, I hope that , even if you did after the rapes, you went to a counsellor, you will go again, sex with yoru BF or not beig the issue. Counselling is not a bandage that jsut gets applied and works. We all take counsel (advice and guidance) from each other every day. A professional counsellor can deal with more "weighty" matters and help you get where you want to go, sooner.

Post edited at 11:47 am on Sep. 6, 2008 by Al Legator

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A Parent, old geezer, and occasionally right. Good judgment comes from bad
experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.