The current thing on my mind is that I have a huge crush on this guy that's in the same lunch hour as me. He sits at the table next to the table I sit at, and I can't stop looking at him. I also have to be careful about looking at him because I have a feeling that the people he sits at the table with are on to me that I'm checking him out basically. I think that he may know that too, since when we pass each other in the halls I can see him looking at me, but he doesn't go confronting me about it. The people I sit with at lunch, friends of mine mostly know I like that guy and tease me about my crush on him. The teasing isn't what's bothering me, but it's the crush I have on the guy.

I know he has a girlfriend, so I assume he's straight. I keep trying to tell that to myself, yet it just doesn't work, I can't stop liking him. I don't know the guy but have thought of trying to go up to him and introduce myself and such, make a friend at least, but I can't bring myself to do it. I get really "warm and fuzzy" inside when I see him, so I can't imagine how I'd feel sitting near him. So lately, I've been thinking hard about what I can do to stop liking this guy.

I know that he has a myspace, so I've been thinking of just confessing to him there since I don't have the guts to talk to him in real life. I'm thinking that I should tell him that I think he's hot, and that he's probably caught on that I stare at him during lunch. On the other hand, I know that he has a girlfriend, so I was thinking of telling him that if he's inclined to, the next time he sees me he can go interrogate or beat the crap out of me so I'd lose whatever positive opinion I have of him and move on. At the same time, I'm afraid of leaking my sexuality out. Only my closest friends know I'm gay. I don't want it to spread like wildfire across the school, even though this guy is usually quiet if he does find out. I'm just not ready to deal with publicly being known as gay. Not all of my friends know I'm gay, and my family doesn't either.

As such, here I am seeking help about my situation and then some. Are there other ways I can overcome my crush on this guy? My school isn't very GBLT-friendly (there's only one other gay guy in the school and I'm not into his type, and we don't have a GSA).  

Also, does anyone know any places in the Chicago and Northwest suburbs areas where I can find gay guys around my age? Places I can get to by foot/train would be great, since I don't have a car and I can't drive.

Sorry for the length. My "help" posts always end up long.

Post edited at 7:15 pm on Oct. 4, 2008 by Entity