It's not as if I'm looking for excuses or any world-changing advice, I'm not looking for a confirmation that I'm justified in hanging down my staircase with a rope around my neck. It's just funny how those fibers would be closer to me than most of the people that know me ever wanted to be.

People just see me humanity-hating dickhead with too much insecurities and a handfull of shattered dreams, a high-school dropout who looks exhausted. They just don't see that those rings around my eyes are my last circles of hope.

And they just don't understand that I am worthwile to get to know, if you could just make me want to show you to part of me that I keep covered. And they just assume that because I'm not letting people in doesn't mean I am a social paria. To all of them I'm just bitter and to you I'm probably a hopeless asshole who you're feeling sorry for.

It doesn't matter, this world is not worth living and you and I both know that I'm right. But the one cause that I'm not rolling myself up in a blanket and burning myself to death, is because of the few friendships that I do have... I just wish there was more that made me at least hesitate to commit suicide...

But there's nobody waiting on me when I get home except the same fucking walls that are beginning to talk to me. There's no way for me to express myself except in the blood that I force out of me. And there's not a single soul in my area that would ever give me a chance...

I feel like I'm imprisoned before I've lived long enough to commit a crime. I feel like I'm in Hell before I ever learned how to sin. I just hope that somebody outside my few friends would tell me that everything will be okay and that I could actually believe it... because right now, hope is an endangered emotion in my body..

Bet you never thought it would be so much more fucked up to look at a corpse while it's still breathing...

---

And I bet you haven't once considered going to talk to a therapist, or perhaps a psychiatrist about these issues you're having.

---

I have considered it.. thoroughly.. but they just stuff me with medication and tell me to call them at the morning. I'm not a person to them, I'm just another digit on their salary-check.

Just like everyone else.

-------
Educators destroy your brain,
but you don't know, so why care?
Fagotto

---

You're right no sense in being a statistic while you can sit at home alone cutting yourself feeling bad about life.

Just like everyone else.

---

I wonder if you skimmed through my first post.. I believe I mentioned that I wasn't looking for a confirmation that it would be better to play living hang-man.. yet you do.

---

You're right no sense in being a statistic while you can sit at home alone cutting yourself feeling bad about life.

Just like everyone else.

---

Post edited at 10:48 pm on Oct. 11, 2008 by nicktodd

If you need to talk send me a message.


-------
[married] :D

---

Quote: from Micus at 4:46 am on Oct. 7, 2008

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You're right no sense in being a statistic while you can sit at home alone cutting yourself feeling bad about life.

Just like everyone else.

---

 

I wonder if you skimmed through my first post.. I believe I mentioned that I wasn't looking for a confirmation that it would be better to play living hang-man.. yet you do.

---

Then what the fuck are you looking for? Why waste our time if you're not going to put in the effort to try and recover or take any steps in a productive direction?

No, its all shit anyways. Why bother? The world sucks. My life sucks. Nothing is going to make it better. I'll just come on to livewire and spew something poetic complaining about my mediocre life, and talk about suicide when you HAVEN'T EVEN GONE TO SEE SOMEONE WHO MAY HELP. These people go to college. They earn a living helping people just like you.

But no, you don't want to go through life playing hangman so let's just cut the shit and stop trying to make things better, if that's what you really want.

Also you say nobody puts in the time to get to know you. Have you ever wondered WHY? Nobody likes to be around depressing people. I for sure do not. In fact, I take active steps in avoiding depressed people. It's not worth the emotional baggage.

Post edited at 5:08 am on Oct. 7, 2008 by Micus

-------
Educators destroy your brain,
but you don't know, so why care?
Fagotto

---

I never really gave a fuck about changing the world and I never really gave a fuck about money. All I ever wanted was somebody waiting on me when I get home and a way to follow my ambition. But it doesn't really matter what I want and it doesn't really fucking matter just how I feel.

It's not as if I'm looking for excuses or any world-changing advice, I'm not looking for a confirmation that I'm justified in hanging down my staircase with a rope around my neck. It's just funny how those fibers would be closer to me than most of the people that know me ever wanted to be.

People just see me humanity-hating dickhead with too much insecurities and a handfull of shattered dreams, a high-school dropout who looks exhausted. They just don't see that those rings around my eyes are my last circles of hope.

And they just don't understand that I am worthwile to get to know, if you could just make me want to show you to part of me that I keep covered. And they just assume that because I'm not letting people in doesn't mean I am a social paria. To all of them I'm just bitter and to you I'm probably a hopeless asshole who you're feeling sorry for.

It doesn't matter, this world is not worth living and you and I both know that I'm right. But the one cause that I'm not rolling myself up in a blanket and burning myself to death, is because of the few friendships that I do have... I just wish there was more that made me at least hesitate to commit suicide...

But there's nobody waiting on me when I get home except the same fucking walls that are beginning to talk to me. There's no way for me to express myself except in the blood that I force out of me. And there's not a single soul in my area that would ever give me a chance...

I feel like I'm imprisoned before I've lived long enough to commit a crime. I feel like I'm in Hell before I ever learned how to sin. I just hope that somebody outside my few friends would tell me that everything will be okay and that I could actually believe it... because right now, hope is an endangered emotion in my body..

Bet you never thought it would be so much more fucked up to look at a corpse while it's still breathing...

---

come to my house :) we will party on down :)

-------
Tidal waves they, rip right through me

I've done any possible thing from attempting to rearrange my brain-patterns to changing my ways. Nothing works. On top of that, LiveWire is nót a support community, even though it is advertised as one. How desperate do you think I am to even remotely share this stuff on here?

You say I just come online here to bitch about my situation and not take active steps to change it, while you're too fucking lazy to even ask if I took any other steps to try to change it.

And just for your information, just because some fucker goes to college doesn't make him better than me.

---

Quote: from Anonymous at 4:39 am on Oct. 7, 2008

---

I never really gave a fuck about changing the world and I never really gave a fuck about money. All I ever wanted was somebody waiting on me when I get home and a way to follow my ambition. But it doesn't really matter what I want and it doesn't really fucking matter just how I feel.  

 It's not as if I'm looking for excuses or any world-changing advice, I'm not looking for a confirmation that I'm justified in hanging down my staircase with a rope around my neck. It's just funny how those fibers would be closer to me than most of the people that know me ever wanted to be.  

 People just see me humanity-hating dickhead with too much insecurities and a handfull of shattered dreams, a high-school dropout who looks exhausted. They just don't see that those rings around my eyes are my last circles of hope.  

 And they just don't understand that I am worthwile to get to know, if you could just make me want to show you to part of me that I keep covered. And they just assume that because I'm not letting people in doesn't mean I am a social paria. To all of them I'm just bitter and to you I'm probably a hopeless asshole who you're feeling sorry for.  

 It doesn't matter, this world is not worth living and you and I both know that I'm right. But the one cause that I'm not rolling myself up in a blanket and burning myself to death, is because of the few friendships that I do have... I just wish there was more that made me at least hesitate to commit suicide...  

 But there's nobody waiting on me when I get home except the same fucking walls that are beginning to talk to me. There's no way for me to express myself except in the blood that I force out of me. And there's not a single soul in my area that would ever give me a chance...  

 I feel like I'm imprisoned before I've lived long enough to commit a crime. I feel like I'm in Hell before I ever learned how to sin. I just hope that somebody outside my few friends would tell me that everything will be okay and that I could actually believe it... because right now, hope is an endangered emotion in my body..  

 Bet you never thought it would be so much more fucked up to look at a corpse while it's still breathing...

---

come to my house :) we will party on down :)

---

.. I'm actually considering that..

---

Quote: from Driftwood at 5:12 am on Oct. 7, 2008

---

Quote: from Anonymous at 4:39 am on Oct. 7, 2008

---

I never really gave a fuck about changing the world and I never really gave a fuck about money. All I ever wanted was somebody waiting on me when I get home and a way to follow my ambition. But it doesn't really matter what I want and it doesn't really fucking matter just how I feel.

  It's not as if I'm looking for excuses or any world-changing advice, I'm not looking for a confirmation that I'm justified in hanging down my staircase with a rope around my neck. It's just funny how those fibers would be closer to me than most of the people that know me ever wanted to be.

  People just see me humanity-hating dickhead with too much insecurities and a handfull of shattered dreams, a high-school dropout who looks exhausted. They just don't see that those rings around my eyes are my last circles of hope.

  And they just don't understand that I am worthwile to get to know, if you could just make me want to show you to part of me that I keep covered. And they just assume that because I'm not letting people in doesn't mean I am a social paria. To all of them I'm just bitter and to you I'm probably a hopeless asshole who you're feeling sorry for.

  It doesn't matter, this world is not worth living and you and I both know that I'm right. But the one cause that I'm not rolling myself up in a blanket and burning myself to death, is because of the few friendships that I do have... I just wish there was more that made me at least hesitate to commit suicide...

  But there's nobody waiting on me when I get home except the same fucking walls that are beginning to talk to me. There's no way for me to express myself except in the blood that I force out of me. And there's not a single soul in my area that would ever give me a chance...

  I feel like I'm imprisoned before I've lived long enough to commit a crime. I feel like I'm in Hell before I ever learned how to sin. I just hope that somebody outside my few friends would tell me that everything will be okay and that I could actually believe it... because right now, hope is an endangered emotion in my body..

  Bet you never thought it would be so much more fucked up to look at a corpse while it's still breathing...

---

 

 come to my house :) we will party on down :)

---

.. I'm actually considering that..

---

where do u live??

bring booze and hash :)

-------
Tidal waves they, rip right through me

---

Quote: from Anonymous at 5:17 am on Oct. 7, 2008

---

Quote: from Driftwood at 5:12 am on Oct. 7, 2008

---

Quote: from Anonymous at 4:39 am on Oct. 7, 2008

---

I never really gave a fuck about changing the world and I never really gave a fuck about money. All I ever wanted was somebody waiting on me when I get home and a way to follow my ambition. But it doesn't really matter what I want and it doesn't really fucking matter just how I feel.    

   It's not as if I'm looking for excuses or any world-changing advice, I'm not looking for a confirmation that I'm justified in hanging down my staircase with a rope around my neck. It's just funny how those fibers would be closer to me than most of the people that know me ever wanted to be.    

   People just see me humanity-hating dickhead with too much insecurities and a handfull of shattered dreams, a high-school dropout who looks exhausted. They just don't see that those rings around my eyes are my last circles of hope.    

   And they just don't understand that I am worthwile to get to know, if you could just make me want to show you to part of me that I keep covered. And they just assume that because I'm not letting people in doesn't mean I am a social paria. To all of them I'm just bitter and to you I'm probably a hopeless asshole who you're feeling sorry for.    

   It doesn't matter, this world is not worth living and you and I both know that I'm right. But the one cause that I'm not rolling myself up in a blanket and burning myself to death, is because of the few friendships that I do have... I just wish there was more that made me at least hesitate to commit suicide...    

   But there's nobody waiting on me when I get home except the same fucking walls that are beginning to talk to me. There's no way for me to express myself except in the blood that I force out of me. And there's not a single soul in my area that would ever give me a chance...    

   I feel like I'm imprisoned before I've lived long enough to commit a crime. I feel like I'm in Hell before I ever learned how to sin. I just hope that somebody outside my few friends would tell me that everything will be okay and that I could actually believe it... because right now, hope is an endangered emotion in my body..    

   Bet you never thought it would be so much more fucked up to look at a corpse while it's still breathing...

---

 

  come to my house :) we will party on down :)

---

 

 .. I'm actually considering that..

---

where do u live??

bring booze and hash :)

---

Germany.. I would bring booze..

---

I said I was looking for a way to actually believe things can get better.. And do you really think I'm such a self-loathing individual that I would rather die than to ask for help? I've been stuck in this fucking situation for over 3 years now.

I've done any possible thing from attempting to rearrange my brain-patterns to changing my ways. Nothing works. On top of that, LiveWire is nót a support community, even though it is advertised as one. How desperate do you think I am to even remotely share this stuff on here?

You say I just come online here to bitch about my situation and not take active steps to change it, while you're too fucking lazy to even ask if I took any other steps to try to change it.  

And just for your information, just because some fucker goes to college doesn't make him better than me.

---

Then don't go. Don't give them a call. Don't even try.

You can't say you've tried everything when you clearly have not.

-------
Educators destroy your brain,
but you don't know, so why care?
Fagotto