Biden Obama Jokes [If ya think you got a good politically incorrect joke about Obama; be sure to add to the list!]
PEACE! 
Q, Why should Obama choose Joe Biden as his VP?
A. Obama needs to win Delaware to avoid getting skunked.
Q. What ever happened to Joe Biden's old wig?
A. It was chased away by a dog.
Q. Why did Joe Biden get a hair transplant?
A. To hide the mark of the beast.
Q. What's the difference between Obama bin Biden and Osama bin Laden?
A. With Obama bin Biden you get two for the price of one.
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McCain versus Obama Jokes
If John McCain is elected President of the United States then the French will immediately surrender to us. If Barack Obama is elected President then the French will immediately invade us.
Here an interesting fact: If you add John McCain's age and Barack Obama's age together you'll get the number of times Obama usually says "uh" when answering a question.
The age disparity between the two candidates in the upcoming election is significant. John McCain is 71 years old. By contrast, Barack Obama is 322 years old in dog years.
Q. Why did John McCain cross the road?
A. There was an Old Town Buffet on the other side.
Q, Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
A. To help the other side.
After Barack Obama claimed to have campaigned in 57 states, John McCain should have sent him the name of a good Alzheimer's specialist.
John McCain rolled up his sleeves and went offshore in the Gulf of Mexico looking for oil for American drivers. Barack Obama responded by going to the shores of Hawaii, taking off his shirt and oiling up his torso for American soccer moms.
Barack Obama's camp claims that John McCain was cheating in their first forum appearance because he actually gave straight answers to the questions. Politicians aren't supposed to do that.
Any candidate that John McCain picks to be his vice president will necessarily be a younger candidate than he is. Any candidate Barack Obama picks to be his vice president will necessarily be better candidate than he is.
It's a hard election for conservatives this year. They'll have to hold their noses tight in order to cast a vote for John McCain. But they'll have to hold on even tighter to their wallets if Obama gets elected.
The sad fact is that if John McCain is elected President he might not last another four more years. A sadder fact is that if Barack Obama is elected President then America might not last another four more years.
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Evan Bayh Obama Jokes
Why should Obama choose Evan Bayh for VP?
The name Birch Evans Bayh III makes Barack Hussein Obama sound almost normal.
Bayh is married to a former Miss Southern California beauty queen. Obama is married to a woman who wants to be queen.
Bayh doesn't use drugs so Barack's stash will be safe.
Bayh was born with a tiny silver spoon in his mouth. Obama had a tiny silver spoon on his neckchain.
They both have secret pasts. Obama's past is secret because he shredded the records. Bayh's is secret because nobody cares.
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Barack Obama's Fake Birth Certificate
Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He's deciding which of his names (Barack Barry Hussein Obama Soetoro) to put on it.
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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. The ink isn't dry yet.
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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. Hillary Clinton won't give it back to him.
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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He wants to surprise us at his swearing in.
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Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He accidently smoked it.
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Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It shows that he didn't have a virgin birth.
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Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It got mixed in with his Rezko mortgage records and shredded.
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Racist Jokes about Obama
1. If you have ever chuckled at his middle name, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
2. If you ever ridiculed the assertion that tire gauges lower gas prices, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
3. If you ever laughed at the claim that he campaigned in 57 states, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
4. If you ever suggested that the "Vero Possemus" campaign signs had something to do with possums, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
5. If you ever downloaded the video of him bowling a 37 in front of reporters, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
6. If you ever shared the video comparing him to Paris Hilton, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
7. If you ever cracked wise about his cocaine use, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Dubya's alleged cocaine use is politically correct.)
8. If you ever made fun of his big ears, you may be guilty of Obama jokes. (Joking about Perot's big ears is politically correct.)
9. If you ever said that the look on his wife's face could curdle fresh milk, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes. (Joking about Cindy McCain's face is politically correct.)
10. If you ever noted that his pastor acted like he was on Def Comedy Jam, you may be guilty of racist Obama jokes.
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Popular Barack Obama Jokes
Q. Why won't Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.
Q. How can you tell when Obama has been smoking dope?
A. He answers the door when the phone rings.
Q. Why did Obama think that he had campaigned in 57 states?
A. His heavy pot use has left him a brownie short of a full pan.
Like any experienced Chicago politician, Obama would go the cemetary to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has a much right to vote as anyone else here!"
Bill Clinton said, "I didn't inhale."
Barack Obama says, "I didn't inject."
Richard Nixon said "I am not a crook!"
Barack Obama says "I am not on crack!"
Harry Truman said, "The buck stops here!"
Barack Obama says, "Leave the bucks here!"
Q. What's the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A. Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Anagrams
President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat
President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
Q. Why doesn't Barack drink Pepsi?
A. He thinks that things go better with coke.
Q. Why wouldn't Barack salute the American flag?
A. It was ours.
Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Barack Obama.
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
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Proof that Barack is the Obamessiah
Obama preached to the multitude by the side of the lake.
Obama created new states from out of the void.
Obama turned whine into Kool-AidŽ for his followers.
Obama came to us carried upon a donkey.
Obama triumphed over the beast, the enemy of all men.
Obama was stoned and yet he has risen.
Obama's flock has millions of sheep.
Obama will reign over us from a house with many rooms.
You must have no other candidates before Obama.
Obama will raise voters from the dead. Count on it.
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Vote for Barack Obama
Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy doesn't want to be the worst President in history.
Q. Why will Senator Hillary Clinton vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he stole the primary election fair and square.
Q. Why will Jane Fonda vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.
Q. Why will Ho Chi Minh vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.
Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he's running out of George Bush jokes.
Q. Why will David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he's running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.
Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because she's running out of other crazy things to do.
Q. Why will Senator Ted Kennedy vote for Barack Obama?
A. Brain tumor.
Q. Will Senator Larry Craig vote for Barack Obama?
A. He'll stall first.
Q. How will Osama Bin Laden vote for Barack Obama?
A. Absentee ballot.
Q. Why will Bill Ayers vote for Barack Obama?
A. Bill thinks Obama's the bomb.
Q. Why will sharks vote for Barack Obama?
A. Professional courtesy.
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Obama Is So Pretty
Obama is so pretty that the new symbol of the Democrat Party will be a unicorn
Obama is so pretty that Bill Clinton wants to intern for him
Obama is so pretty that the White House Rose Garden will need to triple in size
Obama is so pretty that his anti-matter version is James Carville
Obama is so pretty that his supporters think that he's smart
Obama is so pretty that he won't ride in Ted Kennedy's car
Obama is so pretty that he would be a 10 if his Daddy owned a liquor store
Obama is so pretty that he would even look good in a Hillary pantsuit
Obama is so pretty that when he goes to Iraq he has to wear a Burka
Obama is so pretty that he gives John Edwards makeup tips
Obama is so pretty that his mirror on the wall was struck speechless
Obama is so pretty that he can wear white after labor day
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Reader Contributed Jokes
Dear Abby,
I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas. I have two brothers: one is currently serving a life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview. She is a part time 'working girl'.
All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.
Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barack Obama for President?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
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Barry's Campaign manager says Thursday: " You need to pick a VP or I'm leaving!"
Barry said: "Ok, Bye Den."
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The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.
After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota . There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.
At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.
At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.
That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.' The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry Reid said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is he cheating?'
Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice!'
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Q. Why won't Obama release his birth certificate?
A. He hasn't decided where he was born yet
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If you think "Vero Possemus" is Latin for "Massive Ego," you... may be a racist.
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Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn't be able to walk on water.
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Obama must be overjoyed. In August, he finally hit his fundraising goal - 66.6 million.
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