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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

Rate my poem
Replies: 7Last Post Oct. 9, 2008 9:01pm by Yahtzee
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Choice Votes Percent  
2 5 38%
3 2 15%
10 2 15%
85 4 30%
Vote Now! 13 Votes Cast
( mtllcrckmn )


Omnipotent One
Reply
Everytime i walk at home,
I walk barefoot and alone,
I scrape my sole against the floor,
And hit my toes against the door.

My soles are hot and red and tired,
So tired they hurt my feet like fire,
My real soul is worst for wear,
I've been ripped in half with a tear.

I cannot sleep with this burning pain,
I don't know when I can live again,
Take my soul and take my mind,
And let us become intertwined,

Let you solve me and I to you,
Perfect team, let's try it new,
Can this 'love' thing cure my aches?
Or will it cut and slash and break?

Post edited at 8:52 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 by mtllcrckmn

-------
Shit in a bucket or don't shit at all.


8:50 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2005 | Days Active: 713
Join to learn more about mtllcrckmn Northern Ireland, United Kingdom | Straight Male | Posts: 9,953 | Points: 17,274
draino

Wealthy Hobo
Reply
2

8:50 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 36
Join to learn more about draino Texas, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 4,520 | Points: 4,048
Lauraaaa


Guru

Patron
Reply
soles*

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Have you been drinking drugs?

8:50 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 | Joined: Mar. 2007 | Days Active: 413
Join to learn more about Lauraaaa Latvia | Straight Female | Posts: 9,782 | Points: 20,007
4irate


Visionary

Patron
Support Leader
Reply
67

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please just follow me, I thought you wanted me cause I want
you all to myself.

8:53 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 173
Join to learn more about 4irate Ontario, Canada | Straight Female | Posts: 4,382 | Points: 8,138
carracer


Soothsayer
Reply
Im not sure if this is a rhyming poem or not.

If it is the rhyme scheme is off.

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The world is only as sweet as you make it and only as terrible as you see it


8:54 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 264
Join to learn more about carracer New York, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 10,305 | Points: 13,831
( mtllcrckmn )


Omnipotent One
Reply
Quote: from carracer at 4:54 am on Oct. 10, 2008

Im not sure if this is a rhyming poem or not.

If it is the rhyme scheme is off.


It's pararhyme.

-------
Shit in a bucket or don't shit at all.


8:55 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2005 | Days Active: 713
Join to learn more about mtllcrckmn Northern Ireland, United Kingdom | Straight Male | Posts: 9,953 | Points: 17,274
carracer


Soothsayer
Reply
Quote: from mtllcrckmn at 8:55 pm on Oct. 9, 2008

Quote: from carracer at 4:54 am on Oct. 10, 2008

Im not sure if this is a rhyming poem or not.  

 If it is the rhyme scheme is off.


It's pararhyme.


Its really not.

You don't use pararhyme and a normal rhyme scheme in the same poem.
It makes it awkward sounding.

You don't really follow through with a common pattern.

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The world is only as sweet as you make it and only as terrible as you see it


9:00 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 264
Join to learn more about carracer New York, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 10,305 | Points: 13,831
Yahtzee


Wealthy Hobo
Reply
great poem

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Need relationship advice? Message me :D

9:01 pm on Oct. 9, 2008 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 213
Join to learn more about Yahtzee Virginia, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 2,123 | Points: 4,420
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