This morning I woke up and the pain only deepened.
I believed him. I believed every word that boy said about loving me, wanting to be with me forever, what he would do if he ever lost me, and he hasn't been true to ANY of it!
If he loved me he'd be here right now! He'd contact me regardless of whether he's hurt or not, because he lost me. Because I was forced to leave him due to his actions. I am not the bitch. I am the girl who knows she canNOT be treated like that, regardless of how deep her love runs. But the old Rich would've won me back right now. No, actually, the old Rich would've never let it get this bad.
I can't grasp the fact that he changed. That he was able to intentionally hurt me and feel no remorse. WHERE DID MY RICHIE GO!? The boy who'd be there in a heartbeat. The boy who'd hold me and wipe my damn tears whenever I would cry about even the littlest thing. The fun loving, funny, incredible boyfriend he used to be. He would drive up to my school to pick me up when I'm sick, but he won't drive up to get me back. He won't even call, e-mail, anything. He just doesn't care anymore. I am dead to him. I bet he doesn't even care how that makes me feel.
I'm scared to sleep at night, because I know I'll dream of him. and I did. and I knew I'd wake up this morning even worse, when I realized he wasn't here, and I was. He would sleep in this bed with me, and I loved it, even though the heating pad that he is would make me sweat profusely, my God, did I love waking up next to him.
It makes me cry when I think about how perfect everything used to be. He was the perfect gentlemen. The last bit I saw of him caring for me was September 28th weekend (our 3 year). He took me out to a beautiful dinner and the best Broadway show I've ever seen. After that...he was - gone. Forever. He never showed he loved me again after that. Not even in the littlest way.
I would give the world, my life, for him to be who he used to be. If he was, he'd by lying next to me right now, ripping the computer out of my hands so he could just get his hands on me and make me kiss him and cuddle. I wouldn't be surprised if he even would tickle me, and just before I fell off the bed, he'd pull me back up, and kiss me again...
and you know something that kills me? He'll be coming home this weekend, and instead of trying to win me back.. he'll go out with his friends.
Post edited at 2:22 pm on Oct. 11, 2008 by xoallixs0n
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Shalom, MotherFu*ka!
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Sustainer
wat happened y arent u guys together anymore... that is so cute i wish i had a love like that 
