im pretty skeptical about the effects of drugs. so whenever i do drugs, my trips always start by me doubting the drug, and blaming placebo. at some point, the effects become pronounced enough that even i must accept the fact that the drugs are kicking in. lets just call that point in time: 
. In all probabilities, t= is significantly later than when the drugs actually begin kicking in. but i didnt start this thread to talk about drugs. mostly. what i wanted to talk about it how i feel i have somehow changed in the last few days, and the significance of the change is approaching . not only that, but i havent done any drugs. mostly.
first of all, here are all the drugs ive done recently, where t now refers to time-zero, ie, yesterday when i first felt myself changing:
t-3 days, 350mg DXM + pot + nitrous. this was a very awesome experience, and i could easily have attributed my changing personality to the philosophical/psychological after-effects of this trip if it werent for one thing: it happened 3 nights prior, and for the 2 days following the trip, i did not experience the change in personality that i did on the third day following the trip.
t-1 day, 3 ibuprofens + pot. ive smoked pot many times before, and i really dont see the ibuprofens having any affect on anything.
and thats it. so its really hard for me to believe that my changing personality has anything to do with drug usage.
so...what is this changing personality i speak of? well its going to be difficult to explain, so bear with me. its also pretty subtle, just at the point in which (if this were a drug trip) i can no longer blame placebo. also, its not "changing," but rather it was a change, that i noticed yesterday and continued on today. when i experienced it yesterday, i attributed to lingering after effects of the drugs from the night before, but when it continued today i knew that it wasnt an after effect.
anyways, ive always been pretty introverted and dissociated. i find it unnatural to involve myself in conversations of more than 2, and am generally spaced out enough that i never have full confidence that i actually know what the group is talking about.
but yesterday, in some small subtle way, this changed. i felt like i was connected to the conversation in some way, like i could somehow intuitively sense the flow of energy, and that made it so much more natural to interject. i found the timing of my comments to be more appropriate, ie i didnt find myself speaking at the same time as someone else. also, little social nuances suddenly felt more acceptable to utter/do. for instance, sometimes i hypothetically push the implementation of bad ideas, just to discover the logistical issues/etc, that are more clearly visible to others, than to me. despite knowing intuitively that these are bad ideas, often, in fact almost always, the people supplying the supression fire for my bad idea think i am actually pushing the bad idea. i usually just let them think that, having discovered the answers i was looking for. but today, after getting an answer as to why my bad idea was bad, i said the simple phrase "oh i know" , followed by a simple explanation of why i was searching these answers. it sounds stupid, but this is something i never do.
and the past 2 days have been marked by this same kinda of elevated social fluidity. at every point of the way, i feel more connected the conversation, more capable of interjecting, more capable of actually having something to interject with, etc. all of these things are great, and i really hope they dont go away.
so i find it interesting that something so incapable of change, my personality, has suddenly and inexplicably changed, for the better. i only wish i knew why, so i could control and amplify this change.
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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of
the majority, it's time to pause and reflect." -Mark Twain
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On Erowid it says that in high enough doses, cannabis can bring about personality changing neurosis.
