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  LiveWire / College Forums / Emotional Support / Viewing Topic

i dont know what to do, can someone help?
Replies: 13Last Post Sep. 29 3:45pm by megandjd
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( girl1986 )


Lawn Care Specialist
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My boyfriend of a month is going into the army.  He is not going to be a soldier but he will be having a career in the army. He will be working from 9-5 coming home everynight and home on the weekends.  I don't think it will work out because of the long distance.  He wants to marry me after bootcamp but get engaged before bootcamp.  I didn't want to settle with someone in the army.  I would want to come home to someone everynight.  I am afraid that they will ship him out for a few months to a few years even though he is not a soldier.  He says he won't cheat, but I am having doubts because it happened to me before. He loves me very much and I love him.  I don't know what to do. Can you help me?

8:49 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2008 | 10 Days Active
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Phoenix 2008


Dairy Product Addict
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trust him if u love him so much

8:51 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2008 | 47 Days Active
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Testosterone junkie


Professional
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Quote: from Phoenix 2008 at 8:51 am on Sep. 29, 2008

trust him if u love him so much

yar this be true.

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Me zero
Big bad world one


8:52 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2008 | 45 Days Active
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Amay

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Quote: from girl1986 at 11:49 am on Sep. 29, 2008

My boyfriend of a month is going into the army. He is not going to be a soldier but he will be having a career in the army. He will be working from 9-5 coming home everynight and home on the weekends. I don't think it will work out because of the long distance. He wants to marry me after bootcamp but get engaged before bootcamp. I didn't want to settle with someone in the army. I would want to come home to someone everynight. I am afraid that they will ship him out for a few months to a few years even though he is not a soldier. He says he won't cheat, but I am having doubts because it happened to me before. He loves me very much and I love him. I don't know what to do. Can you help me?


Just because he has a career in the army doesn't mean he's going to cheat. Someone possibly can stay THAT loyal for that long. Break it off with him or tell him that you love him and you'd be upset if he hurt you in anyway.

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Rawr.


8:53 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2008 | 38 Days Active
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( girl1986 )


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Some of it is the cheating, but it is also the fact that he might get shipped out and not be home consistantly everynight.  I would want to be able to come home to someone everynight.  I would want a normal life with the specieal somebody, not have that special somebody in the army.

8:53 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2008 | 10 Days Active
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Amay

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If you really love him, NO MATTER WHAT HIS OCCUPATION HAPPENS TO BE, you'd stay with him. And just accept it. You can tell him what you're worried and concerned about; but if you really care and love him, then you'd accept it right after you tell him how you feel.

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Rawr.

8:55 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2008 | 38 Days Active
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Duke

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How is it that he's going into the Army, but is not going to be a soldier? If you're looking for a husband to work 9 to 5 and make it home for pot roast, mashed potatoes and ice cream every night, you're barking up the wrong tree. Whatever he's going to be in the Army, the likelihood of that happening for his career is non-existent.

9:05 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2007 | 176 Days Active
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hiddenfromlove91


Professional
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has he ever cheated on you? you said that you've been cheated on before when someone went away. you can't asume that he is going to cheat on you especally if he never has before. if he has before you trust him enough now to get engaged to him which should be enough the way it is.

your fears of him being gone are totally rational and all you need to do is take a step back, breathe, and talk.

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Indiscribable


9:19 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2008 | 117 Days Active
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Al Legator


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If this is not the kind of life you want with your husband, you either have to accept that your life WILL be an "army" life, or change your life plan. And it's interesting that he cheated on you but said he won't cheat on you again. Did he say that he wouldn't cheat on you - or imply it -  before he did cheat on you before?

Many people think love is always enough to make a relationship work in the long run. It's important but it's not enough.


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A Parent, old geezer, and occasionally right. Good judgment comes from bad
experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.


9:23 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2003 | 361 Days Active
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( girl1986 )


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no he hasn't cheated on me before, that was another guy im talking about.

10:04 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2008 | 10 Days Active
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OverTheAir


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Well I think what it comes down to, which is what it comes down to in most relationships, is trust and communication. Problems that you're thinking about can't get solved if you just keep them in your head. You two need to sit down and start talking about your future. You need to voice all of your concerns, whether or not you think it's what he wants to hear. You need to be honest and open with him.

You've been dating for a month though, a month is nothing in the grand schemes of things. It's hard to fathom talking about engagement and marriage after only a month of dating, don't you think that's moving a bit too fast?

From your post I think you're jumping to many conclusions.. like him being drafted, him cheating on you, etc. I know you were hurt in the past but this is somebody new and somebody you should trust if you are in a relationship with them. I don't know much about the army and how it works but I don't understand how they can draft somebody who isn't a soldier. But you should be asking him what the probabilities are that he will get drafted, how does he expect you to feel about all of this, etc. A 9-5 job is typical, I don't really understand why one would complain about that. But long distance is tough. It is technically possible and I hate to be a downer about the situation but they usually don't work and tend to cause more bad than good.

But it depends on your relationship, some people can do it, some couples just cannot. But yeah I think you should just talk to him more in depth about your situation. Let him know how you feel about everything, even if you think it will hurt him, it needs to be said. Listen to him, and take it from there.

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"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left"
-Marilyn Monroe


10:18 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Jan. 2004 | 757 Days Active
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Duke

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There is no draft! If he's in the Army, whatever his position is, he goes where and when the Army sends him. It's just that simple. It all sounds like you two are swept up in a situation that makes no sense. You've been dating a month and you want to get married. You want to marry him when he's going into the Army, but you don't want to live the Army life. You're going to get married, but have a long distance relationship? You have all these insecurities about him cheating. I'm sorry, I just don't see anyway that you two are in any way ready to be talking about marriage. You have too many other things to be working on first.

11:10 am on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Aug. 2007 | 176 Days Active
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( girl1986 )


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I already sat down and spoke with him about my feelings of him going into the army.  He knows, but he says that is his only option.

3:40 pm on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2008 | 10 Days Active
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megandjd


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why is your main concern his cheating if he gets shipped out instead of what will happen to him where he is sent?? my fiance is in the service and in 2 years we will be going to Columbia, SC. The thought of him cheating has never crossed my mind because the thought of him not coming back to me always is. If you really love him you would be more concerned about his well-being and supporting him than what will happen to yourself. True love is not what am I getting, but what can I give.

3:45 pm on Sep. 29, 2008 | Joined Sep. 2008 | 3 Days Active
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