But I want to cut, so badly. Even writing it's giving me this rush, it's...it's all I can control right now, when everything else is spinning further and further out of control.

But a cut to the skin, that's real. It's not like emotions that fleet, that come and go, a blade and skin, a cut, pain that's not this strange, that's REAL.

I come on here a lot, people know me to be cheerful, sarcastic. You know? But now it's all coming down to this want, this thing I cant ignore, and I feel like I can't tell my best friend because her other best friend cuts right now, telling my parents is out of the question, I mean, even seeing my mom and thinking those thoughts just makes me want to hurl, she's so proud of me, and I'm so happy. Good girl, good grades, good life, they don't know. They really don't, the fact that I sometimes just sit for an hour and can't stop shaking, or that each time my best friend cries, I feel like crying.

I'll probably get shit replies on this topic, like, "oh, well dont cut, kay?", and I'm aware of that. But I need to get it out. I need to some how tell you all because that will make it real.

If I get one good reply, that would be great. Please.

Try it.

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"Krios has granted us a FIRE SIPHON!"
Points 'til I'm content: 1277

That's not control at all.  That's letting something take you over instead of dealing with the problem directly.  Sure, it would be easy to go back to cutting.  But in the long run, it's not going to solve anything.  It's going to restart the cycle.

You say the cut is real....more real than emotion.  But think about it...how is dealing with your emotions by hurting yourself a real way of dealing with things.  It's just an aversion.

There are better ways to take care of this.  Talk to someone.  If you really can't talk to anyone...talk to me.  I promise to keep it confidential if that's what you're worried about.

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Around and around and around we spin,
With feet of lead and wings of tin