Yes, Dad, I'm sure that I need it. I'm sure that I've tried going without it and failed miserably. I'm sure that it makes me feel better. Please, stop.

Mind you, this is the only time he's ever questioned a doctor's orders. He thinks "anxiety" is BS and keeps saying, "I don't get it, I just don't get it." Well, I never asked him to "get it" and it's getting on my nerves because he seems almost aggitated by it. I sort of wonder if he thinks it reflects poorly on him...or if it's his fault because of the way he was when I was a kid and still is...

It stresses me out. So does his questioning my not going to class today. I started taking my Lexapro again last night because I've been feeling really anxious and I just can't take it anymore. It's making it really hard for me to function normally at this point. But taking it makes me sick at first and since my dosage was upped from 10mg to 20mg, it made me really sick. I threw up about four or five hours after taking it, had a panic attack basically all night long (or multiple panic attacks in rapid succession of one another), and didn't sleep any until about 9:00am only to wake up at 11:00am anyways.

I still feel sick and even though I'm hungry, I'm too afraid to eat until my stomach settles a bit more. As a result, I skipped Programming because I can see a tutor and my TA and my Professor and now I'm going to skip Math because I haven't missed one class to date and my grade is so high that the only way I could flunk the class is if I didn't show up for the final.

But this seemed to upset my Dad. He's always been like that. While other kids are just like, "Fuck it, I'm not going, I have a hangover.", I've forced myself to go on practically no sleep about half a dozen times (I have trouble sleeping at night sometimes, I'm too tense) and have fought my way through this entire quarter stressed out and lost, never once giving up. I rarely skip class, I've only skipped one before today. Just one. I've missed two but that was because I was really sick. But I've only actually skipped once this entire time.

Other parents are like, "Yeah, you know what? Shit happens, take a break." My Mom feels that way, for example, because she knows I'm a good student and I can't be perfect all the time. Dad, though, is just so...suffocating... Talking to him stresses me out. Any time he calls, my heard speeds up. I can't avoid him now. He can reach me pretty much everywhere I am and if I don't talk to him once a day, every day, he freaks out. But how do you tell your Dad that he helps feed your anxiety by pushing and never backing off? He'd probably scream at me, at best.

Anyways, yeah, I'm not looking for advice, just ranting a bit. I don't even expect anyone to read past the first paragraph. But now I'm scared to skip class even though it's too late, I already am technically...I can't catch the bus in time to get there before class starts and the next bus won't be around for a while. I was okay with that until he called.

And since you're skipping class right now, chill out and relax for a bit :P

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i spy on you too