i cut. i barely eat. i throw up at least three times a week. i hear voices in my head that tell me i'm worthless and horrible and fat and ugly and i should kill myself. every time i cut i end up bleeding more and more and leaving more and more lines on my arm... i mean it's no where near deep enough to kill me but i know it's bad and i'm tired of it controlling my life but i'm too weak to fight all this on my own. i need help. but there's a problem: my parent's can NOT find out. my mom has been looking for an excuse to send me away to a mental hospital or military school, anywhere, so she doesn't have to deal with me anymore, because to her i'm such a horrible selfish bitch of a daughter. even if i'm not extreme enough for rehab, she'll twist things around until i land a spot there. and rehab is my absolute ultimate nightmare. my dad... it's taken me so long to build a relationship with him, and even then we don't talk abt anything serious, just guitar hero and cars and funny jokes and "that's what she said" jokes, and i don't wanna lose that. he doesn't like dealing with that stuff. when my mom tried to kill herself a few years ago he abandoned her. he'll abandoned me too. because he won't want to deal with it, and he won't. on top of all that, they'll guilt trip me to no end. i know this b/c i cut once in 6th grade and i went to them and that's all they did was guilt trip me and yell at me and after that i just wanted to die. i want help so bad. i want out. but i can't go anywhere where they won't be legally obligated to tell my parents. my friends think i'm paranoid abt my parents, but i know i'm not. i live with them. i have for 14 years. i know how they will react. and my friends are starting to get tired of putting up with me and that just makes me feel even worse. and half the ones who don't get sick of me are pressuring me into telling my parents and i'm scared they're going to turn me it. i'm so trapped, and i can't stand it. i don't know what to do...

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i'd rather be hated for who i am than loved for
something i'm not. -Kurt Cobain

i'm not christian. and havent been since 2nd grade

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i'd rather be hated for who i am than loved for
something i'm not. -Kurt Cobain

and fyi... the serious forum... is where the mods can reply. the mods suck. therefore, if you did get replys, they would suck

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Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Dragons,
For You Are Crunchy and Good with Ketchup
/b/ does it for the lulz!!!

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doctor will tell my parents and costs money

i'm not christian. and havent been since 2nd grade

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Actually, a doctor can not tell your parents if you dont want he/she to..

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Quote: from icsgirlforever at 7:31 pm on Nov. 7, 2008

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Actually, a doctor can not tell your parents if you dont want he/she to..

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Yeah, but it would cost money she doesn't have... but you're right that they can't tell.

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How come it would cost money?

First of all, you are not ugly. I looked in you're image basket and I see a cute girl.

You don't look emo or anything so I am trying to figure out where the cutting is coming from.

You say you are hearing voices in you're head? When you were a kid, were there adults in you're life that said stuff to you like you're ugly and etc...? Because that can be a major factor in this. I used to think I was ugly and didn't belong but then I started to look at life and what there is to offer.

The best thing to do would be to tell you're parents. What's the worst they can do? Sure they may threaten to put you in a Mental Institution or something similar to that, but it is obvious you're not mental. You are just a young teenager who is troubled. You're a troubled teenager.

So, tell you're parents. Unless you want to keep doing what you are presently doing.

I hope this helps
If you still have any other questions just message me :)

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First Account

In the mean time, hang in there. Try to appreciate the small things in life. Look at a beautiful sunset, gaze at the stars on a starry, clear night, smile even though your heart is breaking, pour out your feelings in a journal, sing, dance, pray, love.... Sounds pointless, I know. But JUST DO IT. Even if it brings you just one millisecond of happiness, or one millisecond respite from your problems it will be worth it.

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