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i need help, but there's no where to go |
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 Replies: 0 — Last Post Nov. 6, 2008 2:03pm by lovestruck13
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Web Resources: Suicide Myths Dispelled, Suicide Information
USA Suicide Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
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( lovestruck13 )
Dairy Product Addict
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i cut. i barely eat. i throw up at least three times a week. i hear voices in my head that tell me i'm worthless and horrible and fat and ugly and i should kill myself. every time i cut i end up bleeding more and more and leaving more and more lines on my arm... i mean it's no where near deep enough to kill me but i know it's bad and i'm tired of it controlling my life but i'm too weak to fight all this on my own. i need help. but there's a problem: my parent's can NOT find out. my mom has been looking for an excuse to send me away to a mental hospital or military school, anywhere, so she doesn't have to deal with me anymore, because to her i'm such a horrible selfish bitch of a daughter. even if i'm not extreme enough for rehab, she'll twist things around until i land a spot there. and rehab is my absolute ultimate nightmare. my dad... it's taken me so long to build a relationship with him, and even then we don't talk abt anything serious, just guitar hero and cars and funny jokes and "that's what she said" jokes, and i don't wanna lose that. he doesn't like dealing with that stuff. when my mom tried to kill herself a few years ago he abandoned her. he'll abandoned me too. because he won't want to deal with it, and he won't. on top of all that, they'll guilt trip me to no end. i know this b/c i cut once in 6th grade and i went to them and that's all they did was guilt trip me and yell at me and after that i just wanted to die. i want help so bad. i want out. but i can't go anywhere where they won't be legally obligated to tell my parents. my friends think i'm paranoid abt my parents, but i know i'm not. i live with them. i have for 14 years. i know how they will react. and my friends are starting to get tired of putting up with me and that just makes me feel even worse. and half the ones who don't get sick of me are pressuring me into telling my parents and i'm scared they're going to turn me it. i'm so trapped, and i can't stand it. i don't know what to do...
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i'd rather be hated for who i am than loved for
something i'm not. -Kurt Cobain
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