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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

New poem.
Replies: 8Last Post Nov. 5, 2008 6:38pm by Feminawesome
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( carracer )


Enlightened One
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.

Sorry.

i don't leave my poetry on here for over a day,

Post edited at 7:22 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 by carracer

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The world is only as sweet as you make it and only as terrible as you see it


6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 273
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Joke


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a little emo, and too deep for me, but good i think?

6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2008 | Days Active: 113
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Kgarrett

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A little emo but it is good

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I LOVE MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!

6:10 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 213
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( carracer )


Enlightened One
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Quote: from Joke at 6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008

a little emo, and too deep for me, but good i think?

Emo?!?

How is that emo at all?

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The world is only as sweet as you make it and only as terrible as you see it


6:10 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 273
Join to learn more about carracer New York, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 10,546 | Points: 14,174
rawr41507

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i like itt =]

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Kelsey [loves] Ryan
www.kelseyselsewhere.blogspot.com

6:11 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2008 | Days Active: 402
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Feminawesome


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It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.

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«If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.» -Emily Dickinson

6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 70
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( carracer )


Enlightened One
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Quote: from Feminawesome at 6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008

It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.

Would you mind elaborating?

It may be drifty, but a philosophical poem should be.

I'm not sure what you mean by unique meaning.

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The world is only as sweet as you make it and only as terrible as you see it


6:14 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 273
Join to learn more about carracer New York, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 10,546 | Points: 14,174
cherrys77


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Organize it better,
otherwise not bad.

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All general statements are untrue.

6:19 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 188
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Feminawesome


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Quote: from carracer at 6:14 pm on Nov. 5, 2008

Quote: from Feminawesome at 6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008

It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.

Would you mind elaborating?

It may be drifty, but a philosophical poem should be.

I'm not sure what you mean by unique meaning.



If you're trying to make it philosophical, that's not coming through right now. Seems more like a mood-based escapist poem. =)

As for unique meaning... poems need to have something juicy to dig into. The only meanings below the surface of this poem are, as far as I can see, pretty cliché. That's not to say it's not a good poem, because it is, but you could add to it a lot by experimenting more with original concepts.

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«If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.» -Emily Dickinson


6:38 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 70
Join to learn more about Feminawesome Massachusetts, United States | GLBT Ally Female | Posts: 676 | Points: 1,434
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