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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

New poem.
Replies: 8 — Last Post Nov. 5, 2008 6:38pm by Feminawesome
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( carracer )


Enlightened One 		Reply
.

Sorry.

i don't leave my poetry on here for over a day,

Post edited at 7:22 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 by carracer

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The world is only as sweet as you make it and only as terrible as you see it

6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 273
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Joke


Omnipotent One
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a little emo, and too deep for me, but good i think?
6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2008 | Days Active: 113
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Kgarrett

Wealthy Hobo 		Reply
A little emo but it is good

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I LOVE MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!
6:10 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Aug. 2008 | Days Active: 213
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( carracer )


Enlightened One 		Reply
Quote: from Joke at 6:08 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
a little emo, and too deep for me, but good i think?

Emo?!?

How is that emo at all?

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The world is only as sweet as you make it and only as terrible as you see it

6:10 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 273
Join to learn more about carracer New York, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 10,546 | Points: 14,174
rawr41507

Connoisseur
Patron 		Reply
i like itt =]

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6:11 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2008 | Days Active: 402
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Feminawesome


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.

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«If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.» -Emily Dickinson
6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 70
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( carracer )


Enlightened One 		Reply
Quote: from Feminawesome at 6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.

Would you mind elaborating?

It may be drifty, but a philosophical poem should be.

I'm not sure what you mean by unique meaning.

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The world is only as sweet as you make it and only as terrible as you see it

6:14 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: Dec. 2007 | Days Active: 273
Join to learn more about carracer New York, United States | Straight Male | Posts: 10,546 | Points: 14,174
cherrys77


Connoisseur 		Reply
Organize it better,
otherwise not bad.

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All general statements are untrue.
6:19 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: June 2008 | Days Active: 188
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Feminawesome


Dairy Product Addict 		Reply
Quote: from carracer at 6:14 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
Quote: from Feminawesome at 6:12 pm on Nov. 5, 2008
It's all right, but a little too drifty and it doesn't seem to have a whole lot of unique meaning.

Would you mind elaborating?

It may be drifty, but a philosophical poem should be.

I'm not sure what you mean by unique meaning.


If you're trying to make it philosophical, that's not coming through right now. Seems more like a mood-based escapist poem. =)

As for unique meaning... poems need to have something juicy to dig into. The only meanings below the surface of this poem are, as far as I can see, pretty cliché. That's not to say it's not a good poem, because it is, but you could add to it a lot by experimenting more with original concepts.

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«If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.» -Emily Dickinson

6:38 pm on Nov. 5, 2008 | Joined: July 2008 | Days Active: 70
Join to learn more about Feminawesome Massachusetts, United States | GLBT Ally Female | Posts: 676 | Points: 1,434
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