I'm 15 (almost 16) and I am a sophomore in Highschool. I lead a fairly normal life until what seemed like middle school, shyness kicked in, screwed me over. I do have a lot of friends (more like people I know) rather than "best friends". I don't have a best friend.
I haven't done anything with friends since like a month ago.
I realized today at lunch, when 2 of my friends weren't there, I had no one to sit with whatsoever. I found myself walking back in forth in the cafeteria. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total loser with no friends, I just don't have any good friends.
Also, I have no friends that are girls. I maybe only talk to 2 girls a day... 5 most, maybe. I just get awkward around them, unless I know them. So yeah, that means I've never even kissed (i've hugged them, a couple of times). And I'm not hideously ugly either.
I get in fights with my mom every day. Don't know why, just different situations. Me and her are not alike.
I also found myself to be on the computer more than I should. I hang around stickam.com (I have no camera lol) and I met this very good looking girl (and when I say that, she is seriously a straight 10/10 to me) with a great personality who lives many states away from me. I start comparing all the girls at my school to her, and they cannot compare to her greatness :P.
I don't know what to do. I've though about suicide. 10 advils and a glass of water is all I need. I don't see why this life is worth living if it so miserable. Only reason I don't do it is because I'm scared of death and I would negatively effect others around me (and I would never be able to see my future).
That's pretty much it.. I dont know how I want you to respond, if you even respond at all. Or if you even read all of this.
Just feels a bit better getting that off my chest, I guess.
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Christmas Eve
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