Lately it has been tough. I do not know what to do. Maybe if someone just understood...
Every morning I lie awake, rolled over with my eyes shut, just so Gina doesn't know I'm sad. I make sure when I leave the room, I'm happy and I'm smiling, just so no one knows what lies beneath.
I'm not that sad because of Rich, but I'm sad because of everything else. I'm stressed and I'm losing sight of the end. What does this life have in store for me? And how can I get to it? When I'm too depressed to get out of bed most days.
To all of you men who think you can have me just by attempting to wine and dine me, think again because that proves nothing to me. How about absolute devotion? Eyes that never stray for a moment? A heart thats unafraid to love fully? What has happened to the meaning of true love?
I do not want to be here anymore. This place is not where I'm meant to me. I feel so out of place in my own life.
My teachers are slowly gaining faith in me again, and I won't let myself prove them wrong this time. For once, I'd love to hear "I'm proud of you..."
I wish my Dad just loved me. I pretend it has no affect on me that the man has never once said "I love you" or "I'm Sorry" in my entire life. Then when he calls my friends to try and get in touch with them he'll say "I'm Sorry for disturbing you," and I can't help but feel jealous. They've barely even met him and he's already being kind. I've lived in his life for 18 years and not once has he shown love... I just wish I had a Daddy who loved me, too.
I'm trying to be strong in life. I'm trying to think good things are waiting up ahead. But it's hard when my life is crumbling piece by piece.
I'm anonymous because I'm ashamed of the way I'm feeling. I just need to feel loved for once.
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Man I wish you wouldnt bitch and complain so much. You might be happier. Negative Nancy.
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