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  LiveWire / Teen Forums / Short Stories & Poetry / Viewing Topic

A poem I wrote called Epic Vampire Slaughter
Replies: 9 — Last Post Oct. 26, 2008 7:02pm by jfish
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( Anonymous )

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Upon my neck I had a dream that one day I would join their ranks
Upon this dream that in my head  after they bit I would say thanks
And if upon I happenstance to a blooded victim find
I will gouge up into her, devour her body, soul and mind
Avoiding village mobs and slayers, living in coffins and tombs
night would be the time to play before returning to my earthly womb
alas sweet vampyre, bite this neck so I can join your epic fold
I find these days and harrowed nights
that I am always alone and cold

Tell me what you think, I was thinking of getting it published in New Yorker capitolizing on halloween but maybe it would be more artistically viable to to wait until I have more so I can publish aa book and that way im not selling out to the man

4:07 am on Oct. 25, 2008
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EmileeM14


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its... interesting...

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4:08 am on Oct. 25, 2008 | Joined: April 2008 | Days Active: 41
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wink


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It good,I like it.Whatever you choose to do just go for.
Best of luck :)
4:09 am on Oct. 25, 2008 | Joined: Sep. 2008 | Days Active: 130
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Lala ninja


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its gory

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This sex is on fire - most heard song on dublin trip :D
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4:10 am on Oct. 25, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2008 | Days Active: 19
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( Anonymous )

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it really tells about my dreams emotion and desire. Do you think I should publish in new yorker or London times or which magazine is best for my first publishment work?
4:10 am on Oct. 25, 2008
fluffymonster


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um yeah interesting..
4:10 am on Oct. 25, 2008 | Joined: April 2008 | Days Active: 53
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cherryD


Omnipotent One
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The second sentence seems too casual, the way you would say "thanks"...maybe instead of saying thanks, say something like I would be grateful or something...?

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Crunchy leaves.
4:13 am on Oct. 25, 2008 | Joined: Oct. 2007 | Days Active: 492
Join to learn more about cherryD Singapore | Female | Posts: 12,475 | Points: 17,005
tell me again


it's a face
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It's really good, as far as poetry here goes.

If you want to publish it... it may need a bit more of a point to it though. Rather than describing something, it needs to make a statement.

Feel free to submit it though, if you don't submit you'll never know.

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i spy on you too

11:53 am on Oct. 26, 2008 | Joined: June 2006 | Days Active: 813
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( Anonymous )

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i just made this up on the spot as a joke, not trying to make it good after reading a really emo poem and a bunch of people saying it was good. I wanted to see if I could write an inane poem that was as emo as possible if people would like it. It took me a minute to do this shit lol
5:33 pm on Oct. 26, 2008
jfish


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Any poem titled "EPIC VAMPIRE SLAUGHTER" is the best ever written in my book. And I didn't even read it yet.
7:02 pm on Oct. 26, 2008 | Joined: Jan. 2008 | Days Active: 85
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